silver bullet

i dreamed that someone who i thoroughly distrust gave me a silver bullet...i took it and said good-by...knowingly full well that even the bits and pieces of myself that i distrust...are armed to fight any werewolves that will inevitably come my way .

(i was soon to meet another person who i distrust...i bought him lunch .)

he who actually has another who they can trust...has a gift beyond comprehension .     

fucked forever

I dreamed that  some drunken monster took out a pool cue and then aimed it at the earth . He then proceeded to shoot the earth into a black hole . It was a perfect shot and millions of aliens began to applaud . After that , all I can remember is us voting on some stupid piece of legislature and our planet went down an eternal hole...fucked forever .


It happens to all planets sooner or later . 

...i was a rat...

I dreamed I was a rat , and everyone despised me for it . It didn't bother me too much , you know , being a rat and all . But one day I looked in the mirror and I noticed I was wearing women underwear . Then I couldn't understand why people hated me

rat tails and the galaxy

I dreamed that all the rats in the world , were strangely drawn to all the other rats in the world and tied their tails together . Then they ran in the opposite directions until their fur was stripped off their body . At this point they all became a bloody mess of  rat executives ; and began writing proposals for new planets at the edge of our galaxy .


I look forward to finding out what those planets are like .

baloons

I dreamed that all the love in the world came down in the form of balloons . Then , suddenly...someone began to pop all the balloons with the nose of a swordfish . They said it was for the good of everyone . Next scene...I was in the back of a tracker ; my father told me to jump and that he would catch me . He let me go and I fell into Hell .

    

legs turning into wings...

I dreamed that my legs turned into wings . But instead of using them to fly ; I just dragged them upon the ground until they fell off . There were millions of seagulls watching me . The more I cried ; the harded they laughed .

Crows would have been better . 

dancing around the cup

I dreamed that all the politicians were dancing around a cup of coffee , singing a song that went something like :" do do do da do do do" . One at a time , they would take turns telling everyone in the circle the true stories of their lives . At the end  , they all drew guns which were hidden in secret pocket in their pants , and shot each other in the head . Then a solitary dove flew across the sky .


Hummmm , what color was the dove ???

the pickle

I had a dream that I was a pickle ; but everyone thought i was a banana . I set out on a crusade to prove to all exactly who I was . I sailed the seven seas and all that shit . Eventually , I came across this tribe of savages who had a strict diet of only pickles . And they ate me . The end .


Yea , such is life .

pigs

I dreamed that pigs were climbing on top of each other to reach the moon . But every time a pig was abut to touch the surface , another pig grabbed at him  and pulled him back down . This went on for what seemed to be an eternity . Eventually , however , a hamburger company gathered all the pigs and carved them into little pieces . 


Yes , the old pigs were fighting with each other so long that they had no energy to fight the hamburger company trick . Third time i heard that story this week .

the sun blacking out

I dreamed that something was blacking out the sun . I wasn't sure what it was at first ; but as it got closer , I became aware that it was a pool cue . That we were a boll about to be shot into outer-space . I began to pray for help ; and then a 40 "ouncer" of rum fell from the sky . God is good .


I wonder what the Mormons would think of that dream ???

smoking a turd in school...

I dreamed I was in grade school and was sitting in the middle of the class . The teacher called all our names for attendance , but when she got to mine , I had a big turn in my mouth and couldn't speak a word . Then some other kid lit my turd and I began to smoke it .


Yes , sometimes life can be a shit sandwich...without any bread !!!

I had a dream that I was bowling while really drunk . All of the sudden , I looked at the ball , only to discover that it was planet earth . I quickly picked it up and threw it down the ally next to mine . But it didn't move ; it just stayed there . Then it exploded , and blood gushed all over the fucking place .


Yea , we're in shit all right .

the horse and the devil

Last night I dreamed that I was a horse . A noble horse at that . Thing is , my fir was all checkers , and all the neighborhood  kids would play board games on my coat . Eventually the devil showed up and somehow conned this boy into playing a game of chess for his soul . Of course the devil won and the kid was banished into the flames of hell . And that is all I remember...it gets blurry from that point on .

Oh , yes , my wife is a compulsive gambler .


Indeed , there is an inner board game within all of us .  

the naked man and the locusts

I had a dream that a naked man was trying to take over the world . Thing is ; he was naked...so nobody paid him much attention . That is , until the locusts attacked . And not ordinary locusts either . They didn't eat crops or shit like that . They just carried a sign around their necks that read : "listen to the naked man" .


Interesting ; were these African or European locusts ???

jethro and the tomato's

I dreamed my friend Jethro masturbated into a tomato . Next scene , he was being chased around this fenced-in village with a bunch of half human half tomato's chasing him with axes . In the middle of the village , there was a giant hole that was part tomato . I got the feeling they wanted to throw Jethro into it .


Bad day , eh ??? 

penis in mouth...

I dreamed that there was a rather large penis in the mouth of this fellow I know . He was trying to tell everyone that he was indeed heterosexual , but the penis was so large that he couldn't get the words out . As for me , I was by the potato patch and I laughed so hard that I cried .


If he isn't gay , he must have just got sucked in .

god's hockey game...

I dreamed that God decided to turn the world into one giant hockey rink ; and that everyone would simply just fuck around and play hockey until they died . But right before the game , they all decided to burn their hocky sticks as a thank you to the All Mighty . But then they had no hocky sticks to play with . And oh , how they cursed God .


Dream , eh ???

the psychopath...

Last night I dreamed that a friend of mine took some psychopath to his church . The psychopath promptly climbed into the top thing-a-ma-jig part and lit a fire . My friend went crazy and , though I did everything in my power to stop but  I could not . He ran away into the distance , not giving a flying fuck about anything besides himself  getting away .


Well , it is a good way to keep in shape .

the army...

I dreamed I was the leader of an army that was assigned to invade a non-existent planet . All my troops were behind me ; we were "armed to the teeth' ; it looked really fucking good . Thing is , however , we had nowhere to go . It was at this point that one of my officers-stoned out of his fucking mind-brought out the deck of cards . And there-by beginning our eternity . 


What game of cards were you playing ?

the butterful...

I dreamed I was a butterfly . But I could not stop playing with my vagina . Everywhere I went , people would never stop to look at my beauty . All they saw was me playing with my snatch . And they thought I was despicable . Then one day , a little boy cut off my wings ; and everyone was happy .


Yea , butterfly !!!

the turd

I dreamed I pulled a turd out of my bottom . It said to me : "why did you take me out before my time ??? " Now the entire world must die . I know you don't think such little things matter ; but when you see your silly fucked up planet blown into sweet fuck all , you will then get the picture ". I tried to shove the turd back up my ass but it was too late .


Indeed , the turd probably represents shit . Who knows when there will have been one too many shit fests for this planet to handle . 

no clothes

I dreamed that I took off my clothes and I was a girl . I was about to be horrified , but then , from nowhere , a dozen elves appeared and told me how all men are women when you really get down to it . Then they all held hands and danced around me in a circle , singing "Kum-By-Ya , My Lord" .


Did they dance to the left , or to the right ??? 

the rat

I dreamed this rat was licking his balls . Then , all of the sudden , a ferret grabbed them , pulled them right off his body , and ran to the local bowling ally where he threw them down the ally and got a perfect score...and then he dropped dead as all the animals around him applauded . 

Indeed , even in life when we win...sometimes we lose .