DON'T TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY...

I DREAMED THAT EVERYONE IN THE MIDDLE EAST WAS INFORMED THAT HOMOSEXUALITY AND MASTURBATION WERE PERFECTLY NORMAL...AND THEN THERE WAS WORLD PEACE WITHIN A WEEK .

ODE TO A RABBIT...

I DREAMED I PULLED A HAT OUT OF A RABBIT'S ASS .

MACA PLANTS...

I DREAMED THAT AN ARMY OF MACA PLANTS...TOOK OVER THE WORLD...AND THE ONLY FORM OF WORSHIP THEY WOULD ACCEPT WAS AN ERECTION .

BANJO WORM...

I DREAMED THAT MY WORM LEARNED TO PLAY THE BANJO...BUT THEY THREW ROCKS AT HIM BECAUSE ONE STRING WAS OUT OF TUNE .

REASONABLE DREAM...

I DREAMED THAT MY PENIS WAS BEING JERKED AROUND .

WINTER TIME...

I DREAMED THAT WINTER BURNED A WHOLE IN MY UNDERWEAR...AND EVERYONE GOT SUSPICIOUS .

THE RIVER AND THE SEA...

I DREAMED THAT THE RIVER BECAME AFRAID OF THE SEA...AND THE WATER STOPPED BEFORE IT ENTERED .

SONG OF JOY...

I DREAMED THAT MY PORCUPINE'S QUILLS TURNED INTO MARSHMALLOW...AND ALL HE HAD TO PROTECT HIMSELF WITH... WAS A SONG OF JOY .

THE DECEITFUL RAT...

I DREAMED THAT IN 1492 , COLUMBUS SAILED THE OCEAN BLUE...AND THERE WAS A RAT IN HIS CABIN...THAT LIED TO HIM ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE .

CAT JUGGLING...

I DREAMED THAT I JUGGLED CATS...AND THEY ALL FLEW AWAY...OUT OF MY ARMS AND INTO THE SUN .

I DREAMED THAT OWLS COVERED THE MOON .

CAT HEAD...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT...WORE A CAT HEAD AROUND HIS NECK ...AND IT WOULD WINK AT YOU .

MY CAT LOST HIS EARS...

I DREAMED MY CAT LOST HIS EARS...AND FOUND THEM IN HIS MILK DISH .

MOZART AND THE RACCOONS...

I DREAMED THAT RACCOONS  WERE IN MY GARBAGE...AND THEY HAD BACKGROUND MUSIC WHILE THEY WERE EATING...MOZART , I BELIEVE .

CARROT WORSHIP...

I DREAMED THAT MY BUNNY WAS WORSHIPING HIS CARROT...AND HE EVENTUALLY TURNED YELLOW AND SILENT .

CAT WITH THREE HEADS...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT HAD THREE HEADS...AND EACH ONE SPOKE A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE...BUT HE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT LOVE .

MY RHINO...

I DREAMED THAT MY RHINO LOST ITS HORN...AND WAS REPLACED BY ETERNAL TRUTH .

DREAM : GYPSY MAN

WALK ON THE WATER , GYPSY MAN
WALK ON THE WATER AND FIND IT
YOU WERE GYPSY
BEFORE I EVER DREAMED OF
AND ALL I EVER DID WAS HIDE IT

THE UNIVERSE RAN OUT OF BATTERIES

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE RAN OUT OF BATTERIES .

GOAT AND LEMMING BLUES...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE GOATS THOUGHT THEY WERE LEMMINGS...AND RAN OFF THE CLIFF .

LEOPARD SHELL...

YOU CAN BUY A LEOPARD SHELL IN THE SOUVENIR SHOP...WHICH SAVES YOU ALL THAT WASTED FUCKING TIME ON THE BEACH .

THE BEETLE...

I DREAMED THAT I DISCOVERED A BEETLE THAT COULD CURE CANCER...BUT IT WAS ALSO DELICIOUS...SO WE ATE THEM ALL .

DONUT EARTH...

I DREAMED THAT PLANET EARTH TURNED INTO A DONUT...THEN ALIENS REALLY DID COME AROUND FOR A VISIT .

WINDOW CAT...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT WAS A WINDOW...AND I SAW ETERNITY UP HIS HOLE .

THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BELIEVING IN GOD...

THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BELIEVING IN GOD...MOST PEOPLE WITH A SIMILAR BELIEF SYSTEM...USED IT TO LEAD THEIR LIVES INTO A SHITSTORM OF AWFUL BEHAVIOR .

...BUT I STILL BELIEVE .

THE INCREDIBLE WORM...

I DREAMED THAT A WORM...ATE A DEAD PERSON...THEN SHITTED THEM BACK OUT...ALIVE .

I FLEW TO THE MOON...

I DREAMED I FLEW TO THE MOON AND PLAYED THE PIANO...AND THE MAN IN THE MOON SAID I SUCKED .

RACCOON UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED I WAS A RACCOON...AND I FELL INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE...WHERE EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS A RAT...EVENTUALLY...I , AS WELL...THOUGHT I WAS A RAT .

BREAD...

I DREAMED I WAS SANDWICHED IN BETWEEN TWO GIANT PIECES OF BREAD...AND EVERYONE KEPT TELLING ME NOT TO WORRY .

SYDNEY CROSBY...AND DON CHERRY...

I DREAMED SYDNEY CROSBY THREW A SNAKE INTO THE CROWED...AND IT BIT DON CHERRY RIGHT ON THE FACE .

THE CIRCUS...

I DREAMED I WAS AT THE CIRCUS...AND SOMEONE HAD DECAPITATED THE CLOWN .

SEX CHANGE...

I DREAMED MY FRIEND HAD A SEX CHANGE...BUT THEY ACCIDENTALLY GAVE HIM A SPECIES CHANGE INSTEAD .

MY KANGAROO...

I DREAMED THAT MY KANGAROO...WRITE A NOVEL WITH HIS TAIL .

FUCK-EYES...

I DREAMED MY NAME WAS FUCK-EYES...AND MY TEACHER HIT ME FOR IT .

MEET THE BEAVERS...

I DREAMED THE BEAVERS MADE THEIR DAM OUT OF CEMENT...THEN BUILD A FREEWAY RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE .

A NEW TOMORROW...

I DREAMED THAT THE COCKROACH PEOPLE WORKED THEIR WAY FROM THE CENTER OF THE EARTH...AND WON ALL THE MAJOR TENNIS TOURNAMENTS .

THE OCEAN...

I DREAMED THAT THE OCEAN WAS MADE OUT OF SAND...AND WOULD ANSWER QUESTIONS CONCERNING SPORTS TRIVIA .

THE CHOSEN RABBIT...

I DREAMED MY RABBIT COULD WIPE HIS ASS WITH HIS EARS...AND ALL THE OTHER RABBITS GOT JEALOUS AND CRUCIFIED HIM .

DOG JUMPING OVER THE MOON...

I DREAMED THAT MY DOG JUMPED OVER THE MOON...NOW SOME FUCKING COW IS SUING HIM .

YOUR FUTURE IS NOW...HALIFAX ONLY...

I HAVE A FRIEND THAT READS TARA CARDS...30 DOLLARS , I BELIEVE...ASK FOR AMANDA AT : 902-476-3888...AND HAVE A GREAT DAY !!!

THE CHEESE SKY...

I DREAMED THAT THE SKY WAS MADE OUT OF CHEESE...AND COWS WERE THE CLOUDS THAT FLOATED BY .

PENIS RING...

I DREAMED THAT MY PENIS RING LOST ITS HOLE .

THE DAY TIMER...

if you look at your name
in my day timer
and see a double " x " by yourself
that means that i
believe you to be a psychopath
with a very limited capacity to learn a
fucking thing
we won't go into triple " x "
that's a whole different ball park
and x - 7
you don't want me to get started on that
anyway
it is only the " z " series
that i sell as slaves
so you need not worry    

THE CAT AND THE GOLDFISH...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT WORE A GOLDFISH AROUND HIS NECK...HE TOLD ME IT WAS FOR SELF DISCIPLINE.

THE SANDBOX...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS LOST IN A SANDBOX...AND PISSED UPON BY A DOG .

ARM WRESTLE SASQUATCH...

I DREAMED I BEAT A SASQUATCH IN AN ARM WRESTLE...BUT HE LIED ABOUT IT TO HIS FRIENDS .

THE MOON AND THE COBRA...

I DREAMED THAT MY DEAD AUNT DRILLED A HOLE IN THE MOON...THEN HID HER COBRA DEEP INSIDE .

THE COW...

I DREAMED THAT MY COW WON A DANCE COMPETITION...THEN WENT ON AN EGO TRIP .

SIR HERBERT AND THE YETI...

I DREAMED A YETI WAS RIDING A MOOSE THROUGH THE FOREST...AND THE NAME OF THE MOOSE...WAS HERBERT...HERBERT THE MOOSE...SIR HERBERT , SO THE QUEEN SAID .

LIGHT BRIGHT...

I DREAMED I PLAYED LIGHT BRIGHT WITH THE DEVIL...AND HE CHEATED , BUT I AM NOT SURE HOW .

...MY POODLE...

I DREAMED THAT MY POODLE GOT A FANCY HAIRCUT AND BEGAN A RELIGIOUS CULT .

MASHED POTATOES...

I DREAMED THAT OUR UNIVERSE FELL OUT OF AN OWLS ASS...AND LANDED INTO A PLATE OF MASHED POTATOES .

MEANING OF LIFE...

I DREAMED THAT I FOUND THE MEANING OF LIFE...BUT FORGOT TO TAKE IT OUT OF MY POCKET AND RUINED IT IN THE WASH .

HERD OF BUFFALO...

I DREAMED THAT A HERD OF BUFFALO RAN SO FAST ACROSS THE OCEAN...THAT IT CAUSED A TITLE WAVE AND EVERYONE INN THE WORLD DROWNED .

ICELAND...

I DREAMED THAT ICELAND BECAME THE NEW WORLD POWER...AND SKINNY DIPPING THUS BECAME THE NEW WORLD SPORT .

RAT AND DOUBLE RAT...

I DREAMED THAT A RAT JUMPED OVER THE MOON...IT WAS AN ATTEMPT TO PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT RATS WERE BETTER THAN MICE...THING IS...THE HEROIN IN HIS VEINS MADE HIS HEAD EXPLODE...AND THE GOVERNMENT BILLED HIS FAMILY 5000 DOLLARS TO CLEAN UP THE MESS .

POTATO CHIP TRANSVESTITE...

I DREAMED THAT I FELL INTO THE GREY SKY...AND WAS SAVED BY THE POTATO CHIP TRANSVESTITE FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION .

PENIS MAN...GETS SUCKED IN...

I DREAMED THAT IN A GALAXY FAR , FAR AWAY...PENIS MAN GOT SUCKED IN BY THE POWERS OF EVIL...THING IS...HE DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND .

THE EAGLES...

I DREAMED THAT A NEST OF EAGLES MOVED INTO THE APARTMENT NEXT TO MINE...AND THEY WERE A BUNCH OF DRUNKS .

PLATO...

I DREAMED THAT PLATO WENT MENTALLY RETARDED...AND TOOK A BATH IN PEACE , LOVE AND JOY .

COLUMBUS...

I DREAMED THAT COLUMBUS WAS A DRUG ADDICT...AND IN 1492...HE SAILED THE OCEAN PINK , RED AND PURPLE .

BLIND AS A BAT

I DREAMED THAT WE ALL BECAME BATS...AND FLEW INTO A BLACK HOLE AND WERE LOST FOREVER .

POOR POOTY CAT...

I DREAMED I WAS A CAT...AND BECAME A "YOU TUBE" STAR...THEN I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND HAD MY EARS CUT OFF .

THE PRICK CREATURE...

I DREAMED THAT THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON WAS ACTUALLY FROM MARS...THEY LEFT HIM HERE BECAUSE HE WAS A PRICK TO ALL THE OTHER CREATURES .

THE APPLE DINOSAUR GANG...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE TREES TURNED INTO DINOSAURS...AND THEY ATE THE APPLES OFF OF EACH OTHER .

MY AMERICAN SPANIEL...

I DREAMED THAT MY SPANIEL LEARNED TO PLAY THE FIDDLE...AND HE GOT SO FAMOUS THAT HE BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC .

NUDE MODELING...

I DREAMED I WAS NUDE MODELING...AND SOME IDIOT DREW ME WITH TITS .

THE TINY BUCKET...

I DREAMED THAT A RAGING RIVER...RAN INTO A TINY BUCKET...AND EVERY NIGHT...LOST SOULS WOULD SWIM AS THE SUN SET .

SHELL-LESS CRAB...WITH NO SHELL...

I DREAMED I WAS A CRAB WITH NO SHELL...SO I YELLED AS LAUD AS I COULD TO COMPENSATE .

LOCH NESS MONSTER HAD SEX CHANGE .

I DREAMED THAT THE LOCH NESS MONSTER HAD A SEX CHANGE...WHICH , OF COURSE...ALLOWED BIGFOOT TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET .

THE ROBIN...

I DREAMED THAT THERE WAS A ROBIN OUTSIDE MY WINDOW...AND HE WAS STONE ON GRASS...DANCING TO STEVIE WONDER .

HE TRIED TO TAKE OFF...BUT HIS EAR PHONES WERE STILL PLUGGED IN...AND HE BROKE HIS NECK .

CAT INC .

I DREAMED THAT CATS CONTAINED ALL THE UNIVERSAL KNOWLEDGE...BUT THEY WOULD NOT SHARE IT WITH US BECAUSE WE ARE SO MEAN...SO WE SLAUGHTERED THEM .

PETER THE PENIS...

I DREAMED THAT PETER THE PENIS DID A COMMERCIAL FOR SOME KIND OF BREAKFAST CEREAL...HE WAS JUST SMILING THERE ON THE COVER...SO PROUD .

I DREAMED THAT THE BEGGER WHIP-DIDDLE...

I DREAMED THAT THE BEGGER WHIP-DIDDLE...GOT PREGNANT WITH THE KEY TO THE UNIVERSE...BUT NOBODY CARED BECAUSE HE LOOKED FUNNY .

FAMILY PHOTOS...

I DREAMED THAT THE OCEAN FLOODED EVERYONE'S BRAINS...AS THEY BEAT EACH OTHER WITH STICKS AND THEIR RELATIVES TOOK FAMILY PHOTOS .

CRAB LOVE...

I DREAMED THAT A LOBSTER MARRIED A CRAB...AND THEY WERE BOTH EXCOMMUNICATED FROM THE LATTER DAY CHURCH OF SHELLFISH .

MOON PEOPLE...

I DREAMED THAT I WENT TO THE MOON...AND ALL THE MOON PEOPLE GATHERED AROUND AND  BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME WHEN I INFORMED THEM THAT THERE GREEN CHEESE TASTED LIKE SHIT .

DUCKS CROSSING...

I DREAMED THAT THERE WERE DUCKS CROSSING THE ROAD...AND THEY NEVER STOPPED .

ANTLER AND HOOF...

I DREAMED I WAS EATING GLASS AND DRINKING BEER FROM A DEER'S LEFT ANTLER .

THE GRAND CANYON...

I DREAMED THAT THE GRAND CANYON WAS FILLED WITH MUSTARD...AND GIANT HOT-DOGS FROM OUTER SPACE WERE INVADING IT .

SHITTY HAIRCUTS...

I DREAMED THAT THE MOON PEOPLE HARVESTED OUR TESTICLES FOR BOWLING...AND THE OTHER THING THEY WANTED FROM US WERE OUR SHITTY HAIRCUTS THAT MATCHED . 

BAD RACCOON...

I DREAMED THAT MY RACCOON WENT TO JAIL FOR SELLING HASH TO ADOLESCENT SQUIRRELS . 

SKINNY DIPPING...

I DREAMED I WENT SKINNY DIPPING IN HEAVEN...THEN GOT DRUNK WITH THE LOCH NESS MONSTER .

THE VICIOUS FLOWERS...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE FLOWERS GOT TOGETHER...AND MURDERED EVERYONE IN THE WORLD .

BLOWING UP THE UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT MY BROTHER SHOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE...BUT MISSED AND BLEW UP THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE .

CATS AND DOGS...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE CATS IN THE WORLD TURNED OUT TO BE DOGS IN DISGUISE...AND DOGS...CATS .

RATS AND CLOUDS...

I DREAMED THAT THE WIND OF LIFE VISITED THE WORLD...AND RATS FLEW UPON THE CLOUDS .

THE DRAGON FLY...

I DREAMED THAT A DRAGON FLY ATE THE SUN...THEN FELL INTO A LAKE AND DROWNED .

SMART ASS...

I DREAMED MY ASS HOLE GREW A BRAIN...AND EVERYONE STARTED CALLING ME SMART ASS .

BATMAN HAS NO PENIS...

I DREAMED THAT BATMAN HAD NO  PENIS...SO HE JUST FLEW IN CIRCLES .

THE WHITE BUFFALO...

I DREAMED I SAW A WHITE BUFFALO...WITH A RAGING HARD-ON...SCREAMING AT THE MOON .

AN ODE TO PLUTO...

I DREAMED I DROVE TO PLUTO...AND SUCKED THE ENTIRE PLANET UP MY ASS...THE INHABITANTS HAD TO MOVE TO THE NEAREST MOON...WHERE THEY WERE GIVEN FREE BISCUITS AND CHEESE .

MY CAT THE CRIME FIGHTER...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT BECAME A CRIME FIGHTER...AND THE MAFIA ACCUSED HIM OF BEING A COMMUNIST .

BINGO CAT...

I DREAMED I SAW A CAT WITH EIGHT HEADS AND 24 EYES...AND EACH ONE PERCEIVED THE WORLD DIFFERENTLY .

THE RAPTOR PROFILE...

I DREAMED I WAS A RAPTOR...AND I WROTE MY GIRLFRIEND RAPTOR A SWEET LOVE LETTER...SO SHE KILLED ME .

THE SPARROW...

I DREAMED THAT I WAS A SPARROW...AND I FLEW THROUGH A JET ENGINE...AND IT GOT OUT EVERY KINK  IN MY BACK .

I BECAME A CARROT...

I DREAMED I BECAME A CARROT...AND WENT AROUND BEATING BUNNIES OVER THE HEAD WITH MY TRUSTY YELLOW STICK .

SAILED AROUND THE WORLD...

I DREAMED I SAILED AROUND THE WORLD WITH MY FRIEND...THE TASMANIAN DEVIL...WE HAD A STEADY DIET OF LOLLY-POPS WHICH TURNED US INTO HE-MEN .

THE MAGIC CAT...

I DREAMED I SAW AN OLD LADY WITH A BABY CARRIAGE...BUT I INTUITIVELY KNEW THERE WAS A CAT INSIDE THE CARRIAGE...AND IT WAS STONED ON PERSCRIPTION DRUGS .

BLACK DOG...

I DREAMED I SAW A BABY...RIDING THROUGH THE AIRPORT ON TOP OF A BLACK DOG GOING , LIKE...50 MILES PER HOUR .

THE POTATO...

I DREAMED I WAS A POTATO...AND LIFE MASHED ME UP PRETTY FUCKING GOOD .

THE SCORPION...

I DREAMED THAT I DANCED WITH A SCORPION...AND HE BLEW POT SMOKE IN MY FACE .

I DREAMED I WAS A BAT...

I DREAMED I WAS A BAT...AND I FLEW AROUND THE WORLD WITH MY MAGIC FIDDLE .

UNIVERSE...NEW COAT...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE BOUGHT A NEW COAT...AND SOMEBODY STOLE IT .

THE CO-DEPENDENT BROTHERS

I DREAMED THAT I WAS A RAT...AND I TIED MY TAIL TO ANOTHER RAT...AND WE WERE CALLED THE CO-DEPENDENT BROTHERS .

THE SEAGULL AND THE RAVEN...

I DREAMED THAT THE SEAGULL HAD SEX WITH THE RAVEN...THEY HAD A CHILD...AND HE BECAUSE A MORMON .

THE UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE FELL INTO A BOTTLE OF CREAM SODA...THUS BEGAN THE BAPTISM OF ETERNAL SUGAR .

THE TOWNS PEOPLE SCREW SHEEP...

I DREAMED THAT MY HORSE MARRIED A SHEEP...AND THE TOWNS PEOPLE WERE ENRAGED...( MAINLY BECAUSE THEY SCREWED SHEEP , I BELIEVE ) .

ADAM AND EVE...

I DREAMED THAT GOD TOOK ME TO SEE A DOUBLE FEATURE ON ADAM AND EVE...APPARENTLY...THE WHOLE THING GOT STARTED BY EVE CATCHING ADAM MASTURBATING...AND THE SNAKE RAN AWAY WITH THE SPOON .

THE LOST RAVEN...

I DREAMED THAT THE RAVEN...WAS LOST IN THE SKY...AND HE FLEW INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE .

JET PACK CROW...

I DREAMED THAT THE CROW HAD  A JET PACK FOR WINGS...YET HE STILL FLEW INTO THE WINDOW .

IN THE OUTBACK...

I DREAMED I WAS IN AUSTRALIA IN THE OUTBACK...EATING SQUASH OR PUNKIN SOUP...AND IT GAVE ME AN ORGASM .

THE VERY STRANGE CROW...

I DREAMED THAT A CROW HAD..." VOTE FOR JEB BUSH " BUTTONS AS WINGS...AND HE PERPETUALLY FLEW INTO THE SIDE OF A BUILDING .

DRAGON'S AND SHIT LIKE THAT...

I DREAMED THAT A DRAGON WAS PLAYING A FIDDLE BY THE BAY OF FUNDY...THEN THE GOVERNMENT BLEW HIM UP AND LIED ABOUT IT...LIKE E.T. OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT .

HOUND DOG VS PORCUPINE...

I DREAMED A HOUND DOG CHASED A PORCUPINE UP A TREE...AND HE KEPT ON GOING UNTIL HE REACHED THE SUN .

HELL , ETC .

I DREAMED THAT I WOKE UP IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR HELL...WHICH , OF COURSE , IS FAR WORSE THAN HELL ITSELF .

CAT JUGGLING...

I DREAMED I WAS A SNAKE...AND I WON A CAT JUGGLING CONTEST .

ROOSTER , ROOSTER...

I DREAMED THAT THE ROOSTER ATE ALL THE HENS...THEN THREW UP ALL OVER THE FARMERS WIFE .

CANDY UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT A FROG HOPPED ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN AND INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE...WHERE THERE WAS LOTS OF CANDY .

THE RAT...

I DREAMED THAT MY 20 $ BILL HAD A PICTURE OF A RAT WITH A HARD-ON ON THE BACK...AND HE WAS HIGH .

TROLL SEX...

I DREAMED THAT THE TROLLS...HAD SEX WITH THE PIXIES...ON THE BACK OF A BLUE WHALE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN .

THE PIXIE...

I DREAMED THAT A SASQUATCH TURNED INTO A PIXIE...THEN FLOATED ACROSS THE MID-MORNING LAKE .

NEWFOUNDLAND ALIENS...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS TAKEN OVER BY ALIENS FROM NEWFOUNDLAND...AND EVERYONE DRANK THEMSELVES TO DEATH .

PIGEON SEX...

I DREAMED I SAW TWO PIGEONS HAVING SEX...AND THEY GAVE BIRTH TO A LOON .

CRABSTERS...

I DREAMED THAT THE CRABS AND LOBSTERS PUT AN END TO THEIR BITTER LITTLE WAR BY IN-BREEDING...THEY CALLED THEMSELVES CRABSTERS . 

GIANT LOBSTER...

I DREAMED OF A GIANT LOBSTER WITH NO CLAWS...HE JUST SAT THERE AND CRIED .

BLACK PLAGUE MICE...

I DREAMED THAT MICE CARRYING THE BLACK PLAGUE INVADED OUR LAND...BUT THE MICE WERE ALL WEARING PINK SKIRTS .

SUN MONKEYS...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD FELL INTO THE SUN...BUT THE MONKEYS FORMED A LINE AND STOPPED OUR PLUMMET...WE GAVE THEM BANANAS .

WORLD PEACE...

I DREAMED THAT PEACE CAME TO THE LAND...AND EVERYONE HAD A BRAIN HEMORRHAGE .

MY CAT MADE ME SOUP...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT MADE ME SOUP...BUT THEN I NOTICED THAT MY BUDGIE WAS NO LONGER AROUND .

DANCING PIGS...

I DREAMED THAT I SAW INTO THE SOUL OF THE UNIVERSE...AND THERE WERE DANCING PIGS THAT RECITED THE NEW TESTAMENT IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES .

LOST IN SPACE...

I DREAMED THAT THE EYES OF ALL PEOPLE WERE OPENED...AND SUDDENLY IT OCCURED TO EVERYONE...WE WERE LOST IN SPACE .

ANOTHER UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED I ROAD A SILENT RODENT INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE...I CRASHED UPON A SUN MADE OF ICE...AND SLID INTO THE LAP OF A SPACE YETI .

THE GREAT APE...

I DREAMED A GREAT APE WAS TRAVELLING THE UNIVERSE...AND PISSING UPON IT AS HE WENT ALONG .

INTERNET CAT...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT GOT FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET...THEN DIED OF A DRUG OVERDOSE .

HOTDOG EATING CONTEST...

I DREAMED THAT THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE...HAD A HOTDOG EATING CONTEST...BUT GOD FORGOT TO BRING THE MUSTARD .

THE OCEAN...

I DREAMED THAT THE OCEAN WAS PAVED WITH JOY AND PEACE AND LOVE...AND EVERYONE KILLED EACH OTHER TO GET IT .

PISSING PONY...

I DREAMED THAT MY PONY PISSED IN THE OCEAN...AND WHEN HE FINISHED PISSING...THE OCEAN WAS DRY .

THE SHIT MONSTER...

I DREAMED THAT WE MADE THE "SHIT MONSTER" CLEAN UP...SO HE DID...THEN HE DISAPPEARED...AND , BOY...DID WE FEEL BAD .

GIANT , BLUE SPACE MONKEY...

I DREAMED THAT EARTH COLLIDED WITH A GIANT , BLUE SPACE MONKEY...AND HE LICKED ALL THE HURT AND PAIN RIGHT OFF THE PLANET .

VALDY

I DREAMED I HEARD " SIMPLE LIFE " ...I AWOKE IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE...AND MY SPIRIT FLEW AROUND MY BED .

HAMSTER SEX...

I DREAMED THAT MY RAT GOT SEXUALLY CONFUSED...AND STARTED HAVING SEX WITH MY HAMSTER...MY MOUSE GOT SELF-RIGHTEOUSLY PISSED...AND THREW A BIBLE AT THE PAIR OF THEM .

ITALIAN ROAST...

I DREAMED THAT MY COFFEE CUP SAILED OUT TO SEA...AND A DOLPHIN FILLED IT WITH ITALIAN ROAST .

MY PROSTITUTE...

I DREAMED THAT MY FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD  PROSTITUTE...HAD A "TWO FOR ONE SALE"...BUT SINCE I COULDN'T "GET IT UP" A SECOND TIME...I GOT A FREE PUPPY .

SPACE BADGERS...

I DREAMED THAT SPACE BADGERS INVADED THE EARTH...AND PEED IN ALL THE SWIMMING POOLS .

WALK THE LINE...

I DREAMED  I WALKED THE LINE BETWEEN SANITY AND GENIUS...THEN...SUDDENLY...WITHOUT WARNING...I PISSED ALL OVER IT .

THE FOUR HORSEMEN...

I DREAMED THAT THE FOUR HORSEMAN OF THE APOCALYPSES GOT REALLY DRUNK...AND CRASHED INTO HUDSON BAY...AND WERE RESCUED BY A FLEET OF WHALES .

SEVEN BATS...

I DREAMED THAT THERE WERE SEVEN BATS PLAYING FIDDLES ON THE BEACH...A TUNA WAS STANDING ON THE WATER...WEEPING UNCONTROLLABLY .

THE BOY IN THE LAKE...

I DREAMED THAT MR. PORCUPINE SAW A CHILD DROWNING IN A LAKE...SO HE SWALLOWED EVERY OUNCE OF WATER  AND BRIBED HIM TO GET OUT WITH A "MARS BAR" .

HE WAS A STUPID FUCKING KID .

MR . PORCUPINE...

I DREAMED THAT MR . PORCUPINE STEPPED INTO A PHONE BOOTH...EMERGED A SUPERHERO...AND RID THE WORLD OF DR . RACCOON AND HIS EVIL GANG OF TERRORISTS .

CHARLES DARWIN...

I DREAMED A BIRD FLEW THROUGH MY WINDOW...AND EXPLAINED TO ME WHY CHARLES DARWIN WAS EATEN BY A GIANT TOASTER .

RUDOLPH...

I DREAMED THAT I WAS RUDOLPH...AND I WAS SICK AND TIRED OF REINDEER GAMES .

TREE FROG...

I DREAMED THAT MY TREE FROG...ATE MY TREE...AND THEN CRAPPED OUT A SET OF TABLES AND CHAIRS .

SURFIN ' SASQUATCH...

I DREAMED THAT A SASQUATCH CAME RIDING THROUGH THE DESERT ON A SURF BOARD...HE WAS SMOKING A JOINT , LISTENING TO "THE BEACH BOYS" .

MONKEY AND BANANAS..

I DREAMED I WAS A MONKEY WHO SAILED AROUND THE WORLD...ONLY TO DISCOVER ALL I REALLY WANTED...WAS BANANAS .

THE BLACK NIGHT...

I DREAMED THAT THE BLACK NIGHT WAS CAUGHT ON VIDEO EATING A BOOGER...HE EVENTUALLY COMMITTED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF THE SHAME .

RACCOON'S

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE RACCOON'S ATE ALL THE SQUIRRELS...THEN WROTE AND PERFORMED A PLAY ABOUT HOW THEY DON'T EAT SQUIRRELS .

THE MOON...AGAIN

I DREAMED THAT I SHOVELED THE MOON INTO HUDSON BAY...THEN COVERED IT WITH A PLASTIC TARP .

BUTTERFLY AND FROG...

I DREAMED THAT A BUTTERFLY MATED WITH A FROG...THEIR CHILD BECAME A DRUG ADDICT .

MY RACCOON...

I DREAMED THAT MY RACCOON PLAYED A BANJO WITH THE BOY FROM "DELIVERANCE "...THEN HE SQUEALED LIKE A PIG .

ON THE BEACH...

I DREAMED I WALKED ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN...AND SPRAINED MY ANKLE ON THE BEACH IN SPAIN .

MY BULLFROG...

I DREAMED THAT MY BULLFROG SNEAKED INTO MY LIQUOR CABINET...AND DRANK ALL OF MY RUM .

GO FISH...

I DREAMED I WAS IN THE WOODS...AND I STUMBLED UPON A FAMILY OF SASQUATCH PLAYING " GO FISH "...ONE OF THEM SEEMED TO BE CHEATING...ANOTHER WOULD NOT STOP FIDGETING WITH HIS BALLS...THE THIRD WAS TOO STONED TO GIVE A FUCK .

I DREAMED I WAS A CABBAGE...

I DREAMED I WAS A CABBAGE...BUT NOT JUST ANY CABBAGE...BUT ONE WHO LIKED HAVING SEX WITH BUNNIES .

THE BUNNIES WERE CONFUSED .

BLOW FISH...

I DREAMED I WAS A BLOW FISH...AND SOME FUCKING HAMMERHEAD SHARK FORCED ME TO MAKE HIM MY PIMP .

ME AND MY MONKEY...

I DREAMED THAT MY MONKEY HAD WINGS...AND STOLE ALL THE BANANAS AND FLEW AWAY .

MOON MASTURBATION...

I DREAMED I WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO MASTURBATE ON THE MOON .

CHESS AND THE YETI...

I DREAMED I PLAYED A GAME OF CHESS WITH A YETI...HE BEAT ME...BUT ONLY BECAUSE I LET HIM...(HE WAS MORE GENEROUS WITH HIS SCOTCH THAT WAY ) .

TROUT FISHING...

I WAS FISHING WITH MY FATHER...MY BROTHER...AND MY FATHER'S FRIEND...SUDDENLY I HEAR YELLED OUT AT THE TOP OF LUNG CAPACITY..."JESUS CHRIST !!! "...AND MY FATHER'S FRIEND PULLS OUT A GUN AND BEGINS TO SHOOT AT THE TROUT... THEY SWIM AWAY INTO THE MORNING SUN .

ST .PETER...

I DREAMED I WAS ST. PETER...AND I MURDERED THE COCK SO IT COULDN'T CROW THREE TIMES...AND I WOULDN'T GET IN SHIT .

DRUGS AND BIBLE COLLEGE...

I DREAMED I WAS IN BIBLE COLLEGE...SMOKING DRUGS AND BLOWING IT INTO THE TEACHER'S FACE .

THE SHARK AND THE GOLDFISH...

I DREAMED THAT A SHARK WAS EATEN BY A GOLDFISH...AND NOBODY NOTICED .

MARSH MELLOWS AND BRICKS...

I DREAMED THAT MARSH MELLOWS TURNED INTO BRICKS...AND THEY THREW THEMSELVES AT ETERNITY .

SHIT ON THE SUN...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE PIGEONS HAD A SHIT ON THE SUN...AND THE SKY WENT COMPLETELY DARK .

ORGASM PUDDING...

I DREAMED THAT I INVENTED A PUDDING THAT GAVE YOU AN ORGASM WITH EVERY BITE...AND THE ENTIRE WORLD DIED OF DIABETES .

THUNDER-RAT...

I DREAMED THAT SOMEONE...OR SOMETHING...NAMED THUNDER-RAT...BECAME AN OVERNIGHT SUPERHERO AND SAVED THE UNIVERSE...RIGHT UNTIL THE TIME HE GOT SHOT BY A HUSBAND WHO CAUGHT HIM SLEEPING WITH HIS 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER .

MY SILVER SPOON...

I DREAMED I WAS NAKED IN THE DESERT...EATING PUDDING WITH MY SILVER SPOON .

MY JELLYFISH...

I DREAMED THAT MY JELLYFISH SMOKED A JOINT...AND THEN BECAME A WORLD CLASS POKER PLAYER .

JELLYFISH...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE JELLYFISH IN THE OCEAN WERE IN JARS...BUT IT WAS AN EXPERIMENT...THEY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE HUMAN .

TERRIERS AND THEIR SHITTY ATTITUDE...

I DREAMED THAT MY GAY DOG WENT TO A DOG CHURCH DOWN THE STREET AND WAS PUMMELED BY A GROUP OF TERRIERS .

THOSE AMAZING BUTTERFLY SOLDIERS...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE BUTTERFLY'S IN THE WORLD...WERE STONED ON ACID...AND , ONE BY ONE...THEY GAVE THE DELI LAMA ADVICE .

BETTER THAN "THE BEATLES"...

I DREAMED THAT FOUR PENGUINS GOT TOGETHER AND FORMED A BAND CALLED..." BETTER THAN THE BEATLES "....THEY WERE EATEN BY KILLER WHALES WITHIN A WEEK .

MIRKEL , MIRKEL , MIRKEL...ETC .

I DREAMED THAT A FELLOW NAMED MIRKEL CAME FROM OUTER SPACE...BROKE INTO MY FRIDGE...AND SUCKED BACK ALL MY LEMONADE .

HIS THEME SONG WAS UNINTELLIGIBLE .  

SQUIRREL BLUES...

I DREAMED THAT THE FLYING SQUIRRELS WERE ATTACKING THE ORDINARY SQUIRRELS...WHILE THE CHIPMUNKS ALL LIT UP A SMOKE AND WATCHED AS THE SUN SET .

NEW TOASTER...

I DREAMED THAT GOD OPENED EVERYONE'S EYES...AND THE FIRST THING THEY DID...WAS GET A NEW TOASTER .

CANNED TURKEY...

I DREAMED CANNED TURKEY FUCKED UP MY STOMACH...SO I ATE A WHOLE BOX OF IT AND I FELT JUST DANDY .

THE UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE TURNED INTO A FOLDAWAY TABLE...AND THE STARS WERE CRUMBS .

AN ODE TO A GRASSHOPPER...

I DREAMED THAT MY CATERPILLAR KICKED THE BUCKET...500 TIMES...THEN MY GRASSHOPPER KICKED IT ONCE...BUT IT WENT FURTHER .

PUPPET SHOW AND BOOZE DON'T MIX...

I DREAMED THAT I GOT DRUNK AND PUT ON A PUPPET SHOW AT "STARBUCKS " ...THE PUPPET THREW UP IN MY  DARK ROAST BLEND .

SPACE DRIFTWOOD...

I DREAMED I WAS A PIECE OF DRIFTWOOD...FLOATING THROUGH SPACE...BEING CARVED INTO A SIGN THAT READ..."PLEASE DON'T LET ME FLY INTO THE SUN " .

ALIEN BIRD...

I DREAMED THAT MY BIRD FLEW INTO A BOTTLE OF MUSTARD...AND WHEN I GOT HIM OUT...HE LOOKED LIKE AN ALIEN BIRD...AND THE OTHER BIRDS WANTED HIM TO FLY THEM INTO SPACE...AND WHEN HE COULD NOT...THEY ATE HIM .

SUSHI...

I DREAMED THAT I WAS EATING SUSHI AT AN OUTDOOR EVENT...AND IF I COULD PICK IT UP WITH MY PENIS...SOMEONE WOULD PAY FOR IT FOR ME .

IT WAS RAINING...AND THEY WERE SELLING OBSCURE MUSIC . 

WHO FARNTED ???

I DREAMED THAT FART WAS SPELLED FARNT...AND I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF...GOING AROUND...SAYING..."WHO FARNTED ??? "

CATS ON INTERNET...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE CATS WERE TAKEN OFF THE INTERNET...AND ALL THAT WAS LEFT WAS PORN .

COSTUME PARTY...

I DREAMED THAT A GROUP OF SASQUATCH WERE HAVING A COSTUME PARTY...AND THEY WERE SMOKING WILLY WEED...AND LISTENING TO "THE GRATEFUL DEAD" .

YETI'S IN THE WOODS...

I DREAMED THAT THE YETI'S WERE PLAYING IN THE WOODS...THE SASQUATCH LOOKED ON WITH SUSPICION .

LOST IN THE PARK...

I DREAMED I WAS LOST IN THE PARK...AND THE TREES KEPT PEELING OFF THEIR BARK AND THROWING IT AT ME .

THE MOUSE AND ROCKY...

I DREAMED THAT A MOUSE ATE A RAT...THING IS...HE DID IT RIGHT AFTER HE WATCHED  "ROCKY" .

MACA...OR MACCA ???

I DREAMED THAT I DROPPED A BOTTLE OF MACA  ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR...AND A CAT LICKED IT OFF THE GROUND AND GOT AN IMMENSE HARD-DO .

SAM THE SPERM...

I DREAMED THAT SAM THE SPERM TOOK OVER THE VALLEY OF EGGS...AND DECLARED MARSHALL LAW .

THE APOCALYPSE...

I DREAMED I WAS SELLING BUTTERED POPCORN AT THE APOCALYPSE...THING IS...EVERYONE SOON DISCOVERED THAT IT WASN'T REAL BUTTER...I SAID..." WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ??? IT'S THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE " .

THE UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS SUCKED THROUGH A STRAW...INTO THE STOMACH OF A MOUSE...WHO WAS ABRUPTLY EATEN BY A CAT .

WILLIE WEED...

I DREAMED THAT I DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY...I WAS JUST LOST IN THE WOODS...AND THE SQUIRRELS WERE STONED ON WILLIE WEED .

THEY WOULD NOT SHARE .

...BAG OF TRICKS

I DREAMED I LOOKED UNDER YOUR BED...AND FOUND YOUR BAG OF TRICKS .

ZANE , THE FALCON...

I DREAMED THAT MY PET FALCON , ZANE...FLEW INTO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING... AND HE GOT A SPRAINED BEAK .

BIGFOOT...BECOMES A STAR...

I DREAMED THEY FOUND BIGFOOT AND MADE HIM INTO A STAR...HE DIED OF A DRUG OVERDOSE THREE MONTHS LATER .

TRUE WISDOM...

I DREAMED I WAS THE SECOND WISEST BEING ON PLANET EARTH...THE WISEST ??? A THREE HEADED MONSTER THAT LIES ON THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN WITH HIS HEADS CUT OFF .

JAWS AND THE POPCORN...

I DREAMED THAT I THREW A BILLION POUNDS OF POPCORN INTO A VOLCANO...AND WE ATE IT ALL AS WE WATCHED..."JAWS"...ONE THROUGH FOUR .

BAT WITH NO WINGS...

I DREAMED I WAS A BAT WITH NO WINGS...AND I FELT RUINED AS I DROVE MY B.M.W. THROUGH THE WASTELAND .

THE PENIS OF DESPAIR...

I DREAMED THAT THE PENIS OF DESPAIR...FELL OFF A BRIDGE...RIGHT ON TOP OF THE VAGINA OF CONFUSION AND DELUSION...NOBODY WAS SERIOUSLY INJURED .

THE FOUR HORSEMEN...

I DREAMED THAT THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE...WERE MAKING A PORNO TOGETHER...BUT NOBODY WOULD FINANCE IT .

NEW YORK...AND THE WHALE...

I DREAMED THAT NEW YORK WAS SWALLOWED BY A WHALE...AND NOBODY KNEW THE DIFFERENCE UNTIL THEY READ ABOUT IT IN THE NEWS PAPER .

THE BAT UNIVERSE ...

I DREAMED THAT BATS TOOK OVER THE UNIVERSE...AND THEY BEGAN TO PERSECUTE THE FRUIT BATS .

RATS PLAYING BANJOS

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS TAKEN OVER BY RATS PLAYING BANJOS...AND THEY MADE US WATCH " THE BRADY BUNCH " ALL DAY LONG .

THE MONKEY AND THE UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS SWALLOWED BY A GIANT MONKEY...AND HE CRAPPED IT ALL OUT IN THE FORM OF THE 1967 BASEBALL CARD SERIES .

CARROTS...AND BUNNIES

I DREAMED THAT CARROTS BECAME EVIL AND VENGEFUL...AND FLEW THROUGH  THE EARS OF BUNNY RABBITS .

TELEVANGELIST CAT...

I DREAMED MY CAT BECAME A TELEVANGELIST...SO I HAD HIM NEUTERED .

THE GIANT TURD...

I DREAMED I FOUND A GIANT TURD...AND MY NAKE WAS CARVED IN IT .

THE SPIDER...

I DREAMED THAT THE SPIDER GOT THE FLY DRUNK...THEN SEDUCED HIM...THEN LET HIM GO UNDER THE CONDITION THAT HE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE .

HATING RAINBOWS...

I DREAMED I WAS ON A RAINBOW...AND I HAD A SHIT AND ALL THE VILLAGE PEOPLE GOT BROWN ON THEIR HEAD...AND THAT'S HOW EVERYONE CAME TO HATE RAINBOWS .

I DREAMED I WAS A SHARK...

I DREAMED I WAS A SHARK...AND MY FAVORITE FOOD WAS JELLYFISH...AND ALL THE OTHER SHARKS HATED ME FOR IT .

THE MOON AND LOVE...

I DREAMED WE DISCOVERED THAT THE MOON WAS MADE OUT OF PURE LOVE AND PEACE...SO WE KILLED EACH OTHER FIGHTING FOR IT .

TALKING BANANAS...

I DREAMED I WAS STARVING TO DEATH ON AN ISLAND WITH TALKING BANANAS...THEY KEPT ON TELLING ME TO EAT THEM...BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE USING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY .

THE WATER BRIGADE...

SO I DREAMED THAT LOVE CAME IN THE FORM OF A FIRE ACROSS THE MEADOW...AND THE VILLAGE PEOPLE BEGAN THE GREATEST WATER BRIGADE IN THE HISTORY OF IGNORANCE .

JET ENGINES

I DREAMED THAT MY JET AIRPLANE HAD BANANAS FOR ENGINES...BUT WE COULD STILL FLY OVER 600 MILES PER HOUR...WITH THE MONKEYS ON OUR TAIL . 

FLYING RATS...

I DREAMED THAT FLYING RATS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...THEN THEY DECIDED IT WAS TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING MESS AND LEFT .

THE PENGUIN ARMY...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE PENGUINS FORMED AN ARMY OF PEACE AND LOVE...AND THEY ALL HAD A HAPPY FACE PAINTED ON THEIR BACK  .

CAT EATING HOUSEHOLD SUPPLIES...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT ATE ALL MY HOUSEHOLD SUPPLIES...AND I WASHED THE FLOOR WITH HIS TURDS .

MY CAT DRANK ALL MY WHISKY...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT DRANK ALL MY WHISKY...THEN BLAMED IT ON THE RAIN .

IF TURDS HAD WINGS...

I DREAMED THAT TURDS HAD WINGS...AND THEY FLEW INTO PEOPLE'S EARS...BUT NOBODY NEW THE DIFFERENCE .

I DREAMED I WAS A SWAN...

I DREAMED I WAS A SWAN...AND I CHOKED ON HOT TAR AND BROKEN DREAMS .

THE BANANA PATCH...

I DREAMED I WAS ON A TRAIN...THAT WENT DIRECTLY UP SOMEONE'S ASS HOLE...AS THE CONDUCTOR JUMPED INTO THE BANANA PATCH .

BLUE MONKEYS...

I DREAMED THAT BLUE MONKEYS TOOK OVER THE MOON...AND ALL THEY DID WAS SIT THERE AND PLAY CRAZY EIGHTS ALL DAY LONG .

REALITY...

I DREAMED THAT REALITY WAS SWALLOWED BY A FLY .

SEAGULLS WITH NO WINGS...

I DREAMED THAT SEAGULLS HAD NO WINGS...AND THEY FLEW BY  FLAPPING THEIR ASS CHEEKS .

MONKEY'S ASS HOLE...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE CRAWLED UP A MONKEY'S ASS HOLE...THEN THE MONKEY CHOKED ON A BANANA .

THE FOREST...

I DREAMED THAT EVERY TREE IN THE FOREST WAS A PENIS...AND EVERY PUDDLE WAS A VAGINA...AND EVERY PORCUPINE WAS A HEART...AND EVERY ROOT WAS AN ATTITUDE .

BLACK HOLE...

I DREAMED THAT THE EARTH FELL INTO A BLACK HOLE...AND WE ALL ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS AND SANG CAMP SONGS .

...A BETTER TURD...

I DREAMED THAT THEY INVENTED A TURD...THAT WOULD WIPE YOUR ASS FOR YOU .

MOON SAVAGES...

I DREAMED THAT REALITY FLEW INTO THE MOON...AND MOON SAVAGES BEGAN TO DINE UPON IT .

THE MIGHTY CREATURE...

I DREAMED THAT A MIGHTY CREATURE EMERGED FROM THE FOREST...AND MADE DELICIOUS BANANA CREAM PIE .

WILD STRAWBERRY...

I DREAMED THAT A BOY PICKED A WILD STRAWBERRY...THEN HE PUT IT IN HIS POCKET...AND IT GREW INTO A UNIVERSE .

THE UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS A GRAIN OF SAND...AND THE TIDE WAS LOVE IN THE MAKING .

AN ODE TO THE SPARROWS

I DREAMED THAT SPARROWS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...AND MADE THE HUMANS MINE WORMS FOR THEM .

LOVE...

I DREAMED THAT LOVE  GOT DRUNK AND FELL OFF THE BALCONY .

REALITY AND THE TOILET...

I DREAMED THAT REALITY GOT FLUSHED DOWN A TOILET...AND BREAKFAST CEREAL BECAME THE NEW PORK CHOP DINNER .

GIANT BIRD...

I DREAMED THAT A GIANT BIRD FROM OUTER-SPACE THOUGHT THE WORLD WAS AN EGG...AND SAT IN IT AND CRUSHED ALL OF ASIA .

THE LOBSTER'S BACK...

I DREAMED I FELL INTO A HOLE IN THE OCEAN...BUT I WAS PLACED UPON A LOBSTER'S BACK...AND HE TOOK ME TO A SMALL PERVERTED ISLAND .

RABBIT'S FEET...

I DREAMED THAT THE CLOUDS WERE MADE OUT OF RABBIT'S FEET...BUT I NEVER FELT SO UNLUCKY .

MOUSE-A-HOLICS...

I DREAMED MY MOUSE FELL INTO MY RUM AND GOT REALLY DRUNK...THEN I READ SOMETHING IN THE PAPER ABOUT MOUSE-A-HOLICS...AND GOT REALLY SCARED .

SPACE CANDY...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD TURNED INTO A GIANT SPACE CANDY...AND WAS LICKED TO DEATH BY A INTERGALACTIC DRAGON .

THE KITTEN...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS BLOWN UP...AND FELL BACK TOGETHER AS THE LARGEST KITTEN IN THE UNIVERSE .

SHIT GLOVES...

I DREAMED THAT THERE WAS SHIT IN MY GLOVES...SO I PLACED THEM OVER MY EARS...AND THE WORLD WENT STILL .

THE GUITAR...

I DREAMED THAT I KEPT ON STRUMMING A GUITAR...UNTIL IT EVENTUALLY SOUNDED LIKE A GUITAR SHOULD SOUND .

WAIT A MINUTE...THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED...

I DREAMED THAT A MAJOR CANADIAN CITY PUT UP A SERIES OF BULLETIN BOARDS...EACH ONE LOOKING LIKE A PENIS .

I WON'T TELL YOU WHICH CITY...BUT I WILL TELL YOU IT IS HALIFAX .

FAITH , HOPE AND LOVE...

I DREAMED THAT FAITH , HOPE AND LOVE GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENT...APPARENTLY...FAITH WAS BLIND DRUNK .

TAKING OVER THE WORLD...

I DREAMED THAT VIKINGS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...WITH COCKER SPANIELS BY THEIR SIDE...CONTROLLING THEIR MINDS...AND SHIT LIKE THAT . 

HELL BUNNY...

I DREAMED MY BUNNY FLAPPED HIS EARS AND FLEW STRAIGHT TO HELL .

GIANT PENIS...

I DREAMED THAT A GIANT PENIS WAS HURDLING INTO PLANET EARTH...BUT ONLY THE LEMMINGS KNEW ABOUT IT .

THE SQUIRREL...

I DREAMED THAT THE SQUIRREL WAS EATING THE CHESTNUT...WITH HIS EYES ROLLED BACK INTO HIS HEAD .

THE SHARKS...

I DREAMED THE SEA WAS MADE OF WOOD...AND THE SHARKS DOVE OUT OF THE WATER AND ACROSS THE MOON .

THE MAID'S BREAST...

I DREAMED I SUCKED THE MAID'S FIRM CHOCOLATE BREAST...BUT WHEN I AWOKE...IT WAS IN MY MOUTH .

OUR SQUARE PLANET...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS SQUARE...AND EVERYONE EVENTUALLY FELL OFF...AND THE MAN WHO DESIGNED OUR PLANET...WAS REWARDED A MEDDLE FOR INNOVATION .

THE WILD STRAWBERRY

I DREAMED A CHILD TRIED TO EAT A WILD STRAWBERRY...BUT THE STRAWBERRY OFFERED HIM A PINT OF RUM TO WALK AWAY AND PRETEND NOTHING EVER HAPPENED .

SPIDER BLUES...

I DREAMED A SPIDER PLAYED ME A BLUES SONG ON A GUITAR...SOMETHING ABOUT HOW HARD IT WAS BEING A SPIDER...AND HOW HIS WIFE CHEATED ON HIM .

JUPITER STOLEN...

I DREAMED THAT JUPITER WAS STOLEN BY A BUNCH OF ALIENS...AND THEY REPLACED IT WITH A TRUCK LOAD OF HASH .

I DREAMED THAT RAINBOWS...

I DREAMED THAT RAINBOWS WERE SPRINGING OUT OF MY ASS...THEN I WON THE LOTTERY .

BUNNY WARS...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE BUNNIES WITH SMALL TAILS...DECLARED WAR ON ALL THE BUNNIES WITH SMALLER TAILS .

BUNNIES AND CONTROL...

I DREAMED THAT THE ONE BIG BUNNY...CHOPPED OFF ALL THE EARS OF THE SMALLER BUNNIES...THEN HE MADE THEM SAY..."THANK YOU " .

THOSE FUCKING CRABS...

I DREAMED THAT THE CRAB BOILED THE LOBSTER...AS THE CLAMS LOOKED ON WITH GLEE .

...ANOTHER UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED I ROAD MY FROG INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE .

THE MOUSE AND ETERNITY ...

I DREAMED THAT ETERNITY WAS SWALLOWED BY A MOUSE.

THE SAND...

I DREAMED THAT THE SAND ROLLED BACK INTO ETERNITY...AND WHAT WAS UNCOVERED AFTER THE SAND RETREATED...SCREAMED IN PAIN .

I WON !!!

I DREAMED I WAS NAMED " DREAM INVESTIGATOR" OF THE PLANET...AND THEY GAVE ME A SOLID GOLD POCKET PUSSY .

THE ARMY...

I DREAMED THAT YOU WERE DRAFTED INTO THE ARMY...AND I BEGGED THEM TO TAKE YOUR PLACE .

YOUR MOTHER PISSED ALL OVER ME .

THE RIVER AND DELUSION...

I DREAMED THAT THE RIVER FLOWED WITH DELUSION...AND THE ENTIRE WORLD WAS BATHING IN IT .

THE BROWN BEAR...

I DREAMED THAT THE BROWN BEAR RAN AWAY FROM THE SASQUATCH...AS THE YOUNG COUPLE SMOKED A REEFER IN THE CANOE .

THE BIRDS...SPINNING

I DREAMED THAT THERE WERE THESE BIRDS GOING AROUND AND ROUND OVER THIS BODY OF WATER...BUT WHEN I LOOKED UP...I REALIZED THEY WERE STILL SPINNING...RIGHT UNTIL THEY REACHED THE NEAREST PLANET .

THE RIVERS RAN WITH SAND...

I DREAMED THAT THE RIVERS RAN WITH SAND...AND PEOPLE SPLASHED AND PLAYED UNTIL ETERNITY TURNED INTO SPRING TIME .

I DREAMED THAT WORDS...

I DREAMED THAT WORDS BEGAN TO LOOK LIKE PEOPLE .

JESUS AND THE TRANSVESTITE...

I DREAMED THAT I WAS WITH JESUS AND HE RAISED SOME MAN FROM THE DEAD...THE MAN TURNED OUT TO BE A DRAG QUEEN AND THE CROWD BEGAN TO PICK UP ROCKS .

2 YEARS IN THE DESERT...

YEA , I GUESS EVERY PLACE HAS IT'S IMPERFECTIONS...ALL IN ALL...WHAT I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT AUSTRALIA...WAS EVERY ANIMAL...INCLUDING BIBLE COLLEGE TEACHERS...WANTED ME FUCKING DEAD...I TRIED NOT TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY...BUT...AFTER ALL...IT WAS PERSONAL...LUV STU 

UPON THE LAKE...

I DREAMED THAT POCAHONTAS WAS MASTURBATING UPON A LAKE...AND EACH WAVE GAVE HER AN ORGASM .

THE BAT LOST HIS WINGS...

I DREAMED THAT THE BAT LOST ITS WINGS...AND HE COULDN'T HEAR VERY WELL IN THE FIRST PLACE...AND THE BAT WAS IMPOTENT AND STUPID .

THE LOON AND THE SUN...

I DREAMED THAT A LOON FLEW INTO THE SUN...BUT IT TOOK HIM OVER A WEEK TO FIND A LAKE TO SWIM IN .

THE SPARROW...

I DREAMED I SAW A SPARROW FLYING THROUGH THE AIR...AND THERE WAS A TOASTER TIED TO HIS LEG .

EVERY STAR IN THE SKY...

I DREAMED THAT SOMEONE  TOOK EVERY STAR IN THE UNIVERSE AND SOLD THEM IN A YARD SALE...THEN BLEW ALL THE MONEY ON BOOZE .

TURTLE SOUP

I DREAMED THAT A TURTLE TURNED HIMSELF OVER...RIPPED OUT HIS INSIDES...AND MADE HIMSELF INTO TURTLE SOUP...THING IS...HIS FARTS BLEW THE SOUP ONTO THE DIRT AND NOBODY COULD EAT IT .

BATHROOM KITTY...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT USED MY TOILET ALL BY HERSELF...BUT THEN SHE FORGOT TO WASH HER HANDS .

A UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT A UNIVERSE FELL OUT OF MY POCKET AND WENT DOWN THE DRAIN...THE CAT CLAWED AT IT BUT COULDN'T GET IT OUT .

SOUNDS LIKE SEX

I DREAMED IT WAS RAINING BOX JELLYFISH...AND WHEN THEY HIT THE SIDEWALK...IT SOUNDED LIKE SEX .

MY PLATYPUS...

I DREAMED MY PET PLATYPUS GOT STOCK IN THE DRAIN...AND HIS CHILDREN MADE FUN OF HIM .

THE MOON...

I DREAMED THAT THE MOON FELL INTO LITTLE PIECES...AND THEY FLEW INTO THE ASTEROID BELT AND DANCED UNTIL JESUS RETURNED .

PENGUIN BEHIND THE PULPIT

I DREAMED THAT THE LOCAL CHURCH ELECTED A PENGUIN AS THEIR NEW CLERGYMAN...HIS FIRST SERMON WAS ON THE COMING OF THE KILLER WHALES...THEY WERE JUST GLAD THAT IT WASN'T ON SEXUAL IMMORALITY .

MY PET SNAKE...

I DREAMED MY PET SNAKE GREW 40 LEGS...AND JUGGLED 43 BASEBALLS ALL AT THE SAME TIME...HE SAID IT WAS PART OF HIS RELIGION .

ON THE BEACH...

I DREAMED THAT THE WAVES TURNED INTO HANDS...AND STUMBLED UPON THE BEACH .

SHORT CUTS...

I DREAMED THERE WAS A SHORT CUT TO THE MOON...SO SHORT , IN FACT...YOU COULD JUMP ON IT FROM CAPE SPLIT .

GREEN CHEESE...

I DREAMED THAT THE SUN WAS MADE OUT OF GREEN CHEESE...AND ALL THE MOUSE ASTRONAUTS FLEW INTO IT AND BURNED TO DEATH .

YETI VS SASQUATCH

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE SASQUATCH AND ALL THE YETI...HAD A RACIAL WAR...AND HUNTED EACH OTHER TO EXTINCTION .

POCKET PUSSY...

I DREAMED THAT A YETI WENT TO THE MALL TO BUY A POCKET PUSSY...BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE HIS SIZE .

THE TIDAL WAVE

I DREAMED THAT A TIDAL WAVE CRASHED UPON ME WHILE I WAS TAKING A BATH .