ejaculation...

I dreamed that I had an ejaculation , and a ferry dropped dead . The Pentecostals were right , I guess .  

cow and the moon...

I dreamed that a cow jumped over the moon ; but was seen as an invading ship by the Martians . And they blew the fuck out of him .

the badger...

I dreamed that the universe was swallowed by  a badger...who was the smallest one in the litter . 

dancing...

I dreamed I was dancing across the beach...and my feet fell off . So then I danced on my head . 

the world coming to an end...

I dreamed that the world was coming to an end , and God was eating crackers and cheese as it was happening .

masturbating sasquatch

I dreamed that I saw a sasquatch masturbating in the woods . Once he noticed me , he ran as fast as he could deep , deep into the woods . I would never see my sasquatch friend again .

sperm bank

I dreamed I worked in a sperm bank ; and Robin Hood and his merry men gang rapped me .

breaking into my house...

I dreamed that someone broke into my house , and left a package of carrots on the dining room table . 

crocodile woman

I dreamed that this fellow told me that his mother turned into a crocodile . So I flew around the world to find out if this were true . As it turned out , it was all bullshit . She actually turned into an alligator . 

the toothpaste

Last night I dreamed that I grabbed a tube of toothpaste ; and the entire universe was squeezed onto my toothbrush . Then I brushed my ass with it .

moses parting red sea

Last night I dreamed that I was Moses parting the Red Sea . And once I did , I was to discover that the bottom was covered with giant crabs , and they ate us all then laughed at God .

the lettuce invasion

I dreamed that I made love to a cabbage under a tree . Then I was attacked by 18 heads of lettuce , each one speaking a different language .  

the rapture

Last night I dreamed that the rapture happened , And all us people had to watch all these dogs float into outer-space .

the board meeting...

I dreamed that I was drinking  . A creature swam up my brew and told me that being naked was a sin . I sacrificed him to the god baal...and had another beer . Then there was the board meeting...but it all worked out .

pentecostal man

I dreamed that a hunk named Elvis stormed the world music scene . Young women and old throughout the land began to masturbate in unprecedented numbers . Is this the end of civilization ??? This looks like a job for...Pentecostal Man . 

the toilet bowl...

Last night I dreamed that a 500 foot tidal wave was coming at me as I played in the sand . Suddenly , a toilet bowl appeared and a voice rang out : " jump in the toilet and you will be saved ". So I did...and I was .

yeti expedition...

I dreamed that I went on  Yeti expedition , but all I found was a five dollar gift certificate to Pizza Hut . 

the pope and his alien friends...

I dreamed that aliens flew down to the Vatican City . The Pope was importing exquisite extra terrestrial  rum . The Pope and the aliens played strip poker all night long .

dog to vet...

I dreamed I took my dog to the vet . He replaced it with another dog but pretended he did not . His shirt read : " I have never lied in my life " . That was the first indicator .

pigs belly...

Last night I dreamed that I woke up in the middle of a pigs belly . Suddenly the Devil appeared and told me that he was not sure where I was , but it definitely was not in the middle of a pigs belly . 

the prophets

I dreamed that the world was nothing more than a piece of bubble gum . And just before a child put us all in his mouth to chew us to death , 1000 prophets ran into the streets and hollered : "all is well " . 

the moon

I dreamed the moon was being struck with balls of fire . I began to weep as an old lady took notes regarding my condition . I ran away into the night .

giant turd...

I dreamed there was a giant turd , flying at a fan . But I don't know what it means .

...the universe .

I dreamed that I stepped upon a tack . But when I took it out of my foot , it turned out to be the universe .

little horses

I dreamed my horse died ; and 1000 little horses came to take it home .

king david

Last nigh I dreamed that I saw David fight Goliath . Thing is , as it turned out , Goliath was blind and drunk ; and David was armed with a machine gun . And then God said to me : "see what I got to put up with ??? Piles and piles of bullshit ".

great white shark

I dreamed I was a great white shark . My fins could not reach my penis , so I began to murder people .

trust...

I dreamed that God came to me and said : " don't trust any of those fuckers and you will be right 99 % of the time ".

my left foot

I dreamed my left foot fell off and got stuck right up my ass . Then one of my toes began to spell out the words : " be afraid " .

jesus on the cross

I dreamed I saw Jesus on the cross . He said : "Father , forgive them" . Then some weird-o yelled out : "did you hear what He said ??? He said : ' go fuck yourself ' " .

footprints

I dreamed that Jesus showed me my footprints over a sand beach . I said to Him : "Jesus , why do I have seven toes on each foot ??? " . He just passed me the bottle of rum .

a grain of sand...

I dreamed I was a grain of salt on a beach of sand . I had to spend eternity lying about who I was. And the waves fucked with my head .