THE TIDE...

I DREAMED THAT AS THE TIDE WAS RISING...THE WATER LEVEL BEGAN TO SINK .

MAN ON THE MOON

I DREAMED THAT THE MAN ON THE MOON...WAS A WOMEN...WITH REALLY HARD NIPPLES .

FUCKING ALIENS

I DREAMED THAT THE ALIENS STOLE OUR MOON...SO WE PAINTED GREENLAND AND USED IT AS A SUBSTITUTE .

KANGAROO WALTZ

I DREAMED I WAS A KANGAROO...BUT ALL THE OTHER KANGAROO'S ATE MY TAIL AND PISSED IN MY FACE...I ASKED THEM "WHY??? "...THEY SAID..."JESUS TOLD THEM TOO" .

WOODEN HORSE

I DREAMED THAT I LIVED INSIDE A WOODEN HORSE...AND I WOULD PLAY BINGO WITH MYSELF AS THE SUN WENT DOWN .

CAT WITH WINGS

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT GREW WINGS...AND...IN A TWIST OF IRONY...FLEW TO THE DOCTOR TO HAVE THEM REMOVED .

THE CAPTAIN

I DREAMED THAT THE CAPTAIN BOWED DOWN TO THE CORPORAL...AS THE CORPORAL TOOK ANOTHER SWIG OF HIS HOME MADE RUM . 

REALITY

I DREAMED THAT REALITY TOOK THE SHAPE OF A HUMAN BEING...AND DRANK HIMSELF TO DEATH .

SKY RAIN

I DREAMED THAT THE RAIN FELL UP INTO THE SKY...AND EVAPORATED AS THE NIGHT TURNED INTO DAY .

KANKY THE KANGAROO

I DREAMED THAT KANGAROO'S LEARNED TO HOP TO THE MOON...SO WE LEARNED HOW TO EQUAL THIS BEHAVIOR...BY KILLING THEM ALL .

THE HAT

I DREAMED MY HAT HAD NO HOLES IN IT...SO I GAVE IT AWAY AS A PRESENT .

PLANET EARTH

I DREAMED THAT PLANET EARTH WAS STUCK INSIDE A BUBBLEGUM MACHINE...AND WAS WAITING ITS TURN TO FALL INTO THE LAND OF ETERNAL BINGO .

THE PLAGUE

I DREAMED THAT MOSES GREW A CROP OF PEANUT BUTTER...BUT THEN GOD SENT A PLAGUE AND IT ALL WENT TO SHIT .

OCEAN OF COFFEE

I DREAMED THAT THE OCEAN WAS MADE OF COFFEE...AND NON OF THE FISH COULD SLEEP AT NIGHT .

THE BLACK HOLE

I DREAMED THAT I FLEW INTO A BLACK HOLE...AND THEY SOLD ME A COMMEMORATIVE T-SHIT FOR 20 BUCKS .

SPANIELS

I DREAMED ALL THE SPANIELS IN THE WORLD UNITED...AND PROPOSED A NEW THEORY OF EVOLUTION...HOW EVERYTHING WAS A DESCENDANT OF SPANIELS .  

PACKING MY BAG

I DREAMED MY PENIS TOLD ME THAT HE WANTED TO FLY INTO THE SUN...I SAID..."JUST WAIT UNTIL I PACK MY BAG " . 

DUCKS AND THE SUN

I DREAMED THAT DUCKS FILLED THE SKY UNTIL IT WAS BLACK...THEN THE MOON FELL APART AND CUT HOLES SO THE SUN COULD SHINE AGAIN .

Flarmology: TRUTH WITHOUT LOVE...WRITTEN...JULY 2014

Flarmology: TRUTH WITHOUT LOVE...WRITTEN...JULY 2014: THE TRUTH WITHOUT LOVE...IS A LIE .

SQUIRRELS IN HOLLAND

I DREAMED THAT SQUIRRELS INVADED HOLLAND...AND THEY WERE CRUSHED BY WOODEN SHOES .

JESUS AND HIS EGGNOG

I DREAMED THAT THE OCEANS TURNED INTO RUM...AND JESUS SUDDENLY APPEARED WITH A BILLION TRILLION BOTTLES OF EGGNOG .

SPACESHIP

I DREAMED THAT A SPACESHIP LANDED IN MY BACK YARD...AN ALIEN CAME OUT...HAD A PISS...THEN THEY FLEW AWAY .

POTATO MONKEYS

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD TURNED INTO A POTATO...AND POTATO MONKEYS BEGAN TO RULE WITH AN IRON FIST .

NOT GAY !!!

I DREAMED I TRIED TO TELL EVERYONE I WAS NOT GAY...BUT I COULDN'T TALK BECAUSE THERE WAS A PENIS IN MY MOUTH .

WOLVERINES

I DREAMED THAT THERE WERE WOLVERINES ON THE COUNTRY ROAD...AND THEY WOULD DANCE AND DRINK ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT .

PLAY HOUSE

I DREAMED MY PLASTIC PLAY HOUSE TURNED INTO FRESH MEAT...AND THERE WERE MAGGOTS WATCHING T.V. IN THE LIVING ROOM .

THE SNAKE

I DREAMED A SNAKE CAME OUT OF THE OCEAN...AND PLAYED A BANJO UNTIL THE SUN WENT DOWN .

WAR

I DREAMED THEY MADE MASTURBATION ILLEGAL...AND 18 WARS BROKE OUT AROUND THE WORLD THAT WEEK .

SPARROWS

I DREAMED THAT THE SPARROWS WERE DROPPING BRICKS ON THE STREET , STACKING THEM TO MAKE AN INSANE ASYLUM .