THE TIDE...

I DREAMED THAT AS THE TIDE WAS RISING...THE WATER LEVEL BEGAN TO SINK .

MAN ON THE MOON

I DREAMED THAT THE MAN ON THE MOON...WAS A WOMEN...WITH REALLY HARD NIPPLES .

FUCKING ALIENS

I DREAMED THAT THE ALIENS STOLE OUR MOON...SO WE PAINTED GREENLAND AND USED IT AS A SUBSTITUTE .

KANGAROO WALTZ

I DREAMED I WAS A KANGAROO...BUT ALL THE OTHER KANGAROO'S ATE MY TAIL AND PISSED IN MY FACE...I ASKED THEM "WHY??? "...THEY SAID..."JESUS TOLD THEM TOO" .

WOODEN HORSE

I DREAMED THAT I LIVED INSIDE A WOODEN HORSE...AND I WOULD PLAY BINGO WITH MYSELF AS THE SUN WENT DOWN .

CAT WITH WINGS

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT GREW WINGS...AND...IN A TWIST OF IRONY...FLEW TO THE DOCTOR TO HAVE THEM REMOVED .

THE CAPTAIN

I DREAMED THAT THE CAPTAIN BOWED DOWN TO THE CORPORAL...AS THE CORPORAL TOOK ANOTHER SWIG OF HIS HOME MADE RUM . 

REALITY

I DREAMED THAT REALITY TOOK THE SHAPE OF A HUMAN BEING...AND DRANK HIMSELF TO DEATH .

SKY RAIN

I DREAMED THAT THE RAIN FELL UP INTO THE SKY...AND EVAPORATED AS THE NIGHT TURNED INTO DAY .

KANKY THE KANGAROO

I DREAMED THAT KANGAROO'S LEARNED TO HOP TO THE MOON...SO WE LEARNED HOW TO EQUAL THIS BEHAVIOR...BY KILLING THEM ALL .

THE HAT

I DREAMED MY HAT HAD NO HOLES IN IT...SO I GAVE IT AWAY AS A PRESENT .

PLANET EARTH

I DREAMED THAT PLANET EARTH WAS STUCK INSIDE A BUBBLEGUM MACHINE...AND WAS WAITING ITS TURN TO FALL INTO THE LAND OF ETERNAL BINGO .

THE PLAGUE

I DREAMED THAT MOSES GREW A CROP OF PEANUT BUTTER...BUT THEN GOD SENT A PLAGUE AND IT ALL WENT TO SHIT .

OCEAN OF COFFEE

I DREAMED THAT THE OCEAN WAS MADE OF COFFEE...AND NON OF THE FISH COULD SLEEP AT NIGHT .

THE BLACK HOLE

I DREAMED THAT I FLEW INTO A BLACK HOLE...AND THEY SOLD ME A COMMEMORATIVE T-SHIT FOR 20 BUCKS .

SPANIELS

I DREAMED ALL THE SPANIELS IN THE WORLD UNITED...AND PROPOSED A NEW THEORY OF EVOLUTION...HOW EVERYTHING WAS A DESCENDANT OF SPANIELS .  

PACKING MY BAG

I DREAMED MY PENIS TOLD ME THAT HE WANTED TO FLY INTO THE SUN...I SAID..."JUST WAIT UNTIL I PACK MY BAG " . 

DUCKS AND THE SUN

I DREAMED THAT DUCKS FILLED THE SKY UNTIL IT WAS BLACK...THEN THE MOON FELL APART AND CUT HOLES SO THE SUN COULD SHINE AGAIN .

Flarmology: TRUTH WITHOUT LOVE...WRITTEN...JULY 2014

Flarmology: TRUTH WITHOUT LOVE...WRITTEN...JULY 2014: THE TRUTH WITHOUT LOVE...IS A LIE .

SQUIRRELS IN HOLLAND

I DREAMED THAT SQUIRRELS INVADED HOLLAND...AND THEY WERE CRUSHED BY WOODEN SHOES .

JESUS AND HIS EGGNOG

I DREAMED THAT THE OCEANS TURNED INTO RUM...AND JESUS SUDDENLY APPEARED WITH A BILLION TRILLION BOTTLES OF EGGNOG .

SPACESHIP

I DREAMED THAT A SPACESHIP LANDED IN MY BACK YARD...AN ALIEN CAME OUT...HAD A PISS...THEN THEY FLEW AWAY .

POTATO MONKEYS

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD TURNED INTO A POTATO...AND POTATO MONKEYS BEGAN TO RULE WITH AN IRON FIST .

NOT GAY !!!

I DREAMED I TRIED TO TELL EVERYONE I WAS NOT GAY...BUT I COULDN'T TALK BECAUSE THERE WAS A PENIS IN MY MOUTH .

WOLVERINES

I DREAMED THAT THERE WERE WOLVERINES ON THE COUNTRY ROAD...AND THEY WOULD DANCE AND DRINK ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT .

PLAY HOUSE

I DREAMED MY PLASTIC PLAY HOUSE TURNED INTO FRESH MEAT...AND THERE WERE MAGGOTS WATCHING T.V. IN THE LIVING ROOM .

THE SNAKE

I DREAMED A SNAKE CAME OUT OF THE OCEAN...AND PLAYED A BANJO UNTIL THE SUN WENT DOWN .

WAR

I DREAMED THEY MADE MASTURBATION ILLEGAL...AND 18 WARS BROKE OUT AROUND THE WORLD THAT WEEK .

SPARROWS

I DREAMED THAT THE SPARROWS WERE DROPPING BRICKS ON THE STREET , STACKING THEM TO MAKE AN INSANE ASYLUM .

THE UNIVERSE BEGINNING...AGAIN !!!

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE SUDDENLY BEGAN ALL OVER AGAIN...AND I WAS TO FIND MYSELF ON A TEETER-TOTTER SOMEWHERE ON A DISTANT CORNER .

CAT TURNED INTO A BOAT

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT TURNED INTO A BOAT...AND I PADDLED HIM THROUGH DOG SEA .

THE DEVIL

I DREAMED THAT SATAN WON A BEAUTY CONTEST...THEN HE PISSED ON THE JUDGES .

NEW BEATLES ALBUM

I DREAMED THAT THE BEATLES RECORDED A NEW ALBUM...AND IT CAME WITH A FREE TURTLE WHO COULD ACTUALLY SING ALONG .

THE ASTEROID FROM OUTER-SPACE

I DREAMED THAT EVERYONE WOKE UP AND DECIDED TO LOVE EACH OTHER...JUST THEN AN ASTEROID HIT THE PLANET AND WE ALL DIED .

MY UNDERWEAR

I DREAMED THAT MY UNDERWEAR WAS MADE OF GOAT...AND EVERY TIME I WOULD FART...IT WOULD GO..."BAAAAAA" .

THE POSTMAN AND MY DOG

I DREAMED THAT THE POSTMAN BARKED AT MY DOG...AND THE SKY TURNED GREEN .

THE BATTERFLY

I DREAMED THAT A BUTTERFLY...GREW BATS WINGS...THEN ENTERED A BEAUTY CONTEST...JUST TO CONFUSE EVERYONE .

THEN HE POUNCED UPON THE INSECT WORLD .

SPACE MONKEYS

I DREAMED THAT THE STARS TURNED INTO BANANAS...AND GIANT SPACE MONKEYS APPEARED AND ATE THEM ONE BY ONE .

COLLISION COURSE WITH SUN

I DREAMED THAT THE JELLY FISH ATE ALL THE GRASSHOPPERS...AND THIS SOMEHOW SENT THE EARTH ON A COLLISION COURSE WITH THE SUN .

AN ODE TO FREUD

I DREAMED I HAD A VACUUM CLEANER...AND SOME GUY NAMED RICHARD GOT SUCKED RIGHT UP IN IT .

THE UNIVERSE GROWING BOOBS

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE GREW BOOBS...AND A SENILE OLD MAN HYKED ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP .

MANTA RAY IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND .

I DREAMED THAT A MANTA RAY...GREW SO BIG THAT IT COVERED THE ENTIRE WORLD...AND A MILLION YEARS LATER...WHEN CIVILIZATION GREW AGAIN...PEOPLE WOULD SING SONGS ABOUT MANTA RAYS...AND NOT QUITE UNDERSTAND WHY .

CROCODILES AND BIBLES

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE CROCODILES LOST THEIR TEETH...AND TOOK UP SELLING BIBLES FROM DOOR TO DOOR .

FOREST WHALES

I DREAMED THAT WHALES TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE FOREST...AND LOVE TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE HEARTS OF MANKIND...IT DIDN'T GO VERY WELL FOR EITHER OF THEM .

THE RAPTURE...

I DREAMED THAT THE RAPTURE HAPPENED...AND GOD TOOK ALL THE DOGS AND LEFT THE REST OF US TO ROT .

ETERNITY

I DREAM THAT THE MOUNTAIN FALLS INTO THE VALLY...AND ALL OF ETERNITY FALLS IN WITH IT .

THE WHALE

I DREAMED THAT A WHALE WAS BEACHED ON MY HEART...AND BLACK SEAGULLS BEGAN TO DEVOUR HIM AS MY HEART BEGAN TO BEAT FASTER AND FASTER .

BABOON COUNTRY...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS TAKEN OVER BY BABOONS...THE LEADER REFERRED TO HIMSELF AS POPE ...HE WAS A SEX ADDICT .

EVOLUTION

I DREAMED THAT BATS LOST THEIR WINGS...BUT SOON LEARNED TO RUN 200  , 000 MILES PER HOUR .

THERE BE WHALES...

I DREAMED I ATE A WHALE...AND SHAT OUT 42 CANS OF TUNA .

WATER TURNED TO SAND

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE WATER TURNED TO SAND...AND I TOOK A BATH .

WALKING ACROSS THE OCEAN...

I DREAMED I DRANK THE OCEAN...AND THEN WENT FOR A STROLL ACROSS THE BOTTOM , PAINTING EVERYTHING ORANGE .

THE ROSE...AND THE HAWK

I DREAMED THAT THE ROSE BECAME A HAWK...AND IT TAUGHT ALL THE OTHER HAWKS ALL ABOUT FLOWERS .

PET PARROT

I DREAMED THAT I WORKED WITH A LADY WHO THOUGHT SHE WAS HER OWN PET PARROT...UNTIL SHE FLEW OUT OF HER WINDOW AND DIED .

MY. ADAM AND HIS WIFE , EVE

I DREAMED THAT ADAM AND EVE WERE INTO NOTHING SEXUALLY BUT MUTUAL MASTURBATION...AND THEY RUINED GOD'S PLAN .

GHOST BANANAS

I DREAMED THAT GHOSTS OF PROSTITUTES HID IN ALL THE BANANAS IN THE WORLD...AND WHEN THEY WERE PEELED...IT SOUNDED LIKE THE BANANA'S WERE HAVING ORGASMS .

SEX ADDICT

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE BEAVERS BECAME SEX ADDICTS...AND NEVER WORKED AGAIN .

THE TURTLES...

I DREAMED THAT EVERY TURTLE IN THE OCEAN...HAD GRAFFITI CONCERNING THE END OF THE WORLD ON ITS BACK .

FISH BANKS...

I DREAMED THAT THE FISH GREW ARMS...SO THEY STARTED HOLDING UP FISH BANKS .

MOUNTAINS IN YOUR MIND...

I DREAMED THAT THE MOUNTAINS TURNED INTO BREASTS...AND THE SNOW ON TOP WAS WHIP CREAM .

FOUNTAIN OF HOPE...

I DREAMED THAT A FOUNTAIN OF HOPE DESCENDED UPON THIS WORLD...AND EVERYONE KILLED EACH OTHER TO GET TO IT .

POTATO SLICER...

I DREAMED MY POTATO SLICER MARRIED A POTATO...HE WAS DRUNK WHEN IT HAPPENED .

LAND OF THE LOST...

I DREAMED I WENT TO THE LAND OF THE LOST...AND YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT I FOUND THERE .

FINDING THE UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT GOD'S CHILD FOUND THE UNIVERSE IN THE CRACK OF A SIDEWALK .

LAMB AND THE COUGAR

I DREAMED THAT THE LAMB LIED DOWN WITH THE COUGAR...THEN HE ATE THE FUCKER .

PLANET FART

I DREAMED THAT FARTS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...BUT THEN THEY LEFT FOR A DISTANT PLANET THAT DIDN'T SMELL SO BAD .

THE SEA MONSTER...

I DREAMED THAT A SEA MONSTER WAS FOUND IN A NEAR BY HARBOUR...HE WAS GAMBLING WITH SAND DOLLARS WITH A SMALL GROUP OF MONKEYS...THEY CHEATED HIM OUT OF ALL HIS POSSESSIONS . 

THE UNIVERSE WAS AN ERECTION...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS AN ERECTION...AND THE MILKY WAY GALAXY WAS THE EJACULATION...AS FOR THE BLACK HOLE...I AM NOT SURE WHAT THAT WAS .

IF TURDS HAD WINGS

I DREAMED I RELEASED A POP ALBUM ENTITLED : " IF TURDS HAD WINGS "...AND IT SOLD A BILLION COPIES .

THE LOBSTER...

I DREAMED I WAS A NINE LEGGED LOBSTER...AND ALL THE EIGHT LEGGED ONES GATHERED AROUND AND ATE ME .

SHIT SANDWICH...

I DREAMED I WAS GIVEN A SHIT SANDWICH...WHICH WAS PERFECTLY FINE BUT THERE WERE NO PICKLES AND MUSTARD .

SAM THE SPERM...

SAM THE SPERM DREAMED HE WAS AN EGG...SO HE GOT DRUNK OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND .

THE DRUNK...

I DREAMED THIS DRUNK CAME UP TO ME AND SAID..." I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU FOR THE WORLD...BUT I MIGHT JUST DO IT FOR FREE " .

THE ALLIGATOR AND THE DENTIST .

I DREAMED THAT THE ALLIGATOR WENT TO THE DENTIST...AND THE DENTIST PUT HIM TO SLEEP AND PULLED OUT THE WRONG TEETH .

THE MYSTERY LEG

I DREAMED I WAS A CENTIPEDE...AND I GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE ALL BUT ONE OF MY LEGS...THEN I WENT TO SEE A FAITH HEALER AND HE HEALED ALL BUT ONE...WE CALL THIS...THE MYSTERY LEG .

THE MOOSE AND THE DUCK

I DREAMED THAT MOOSE WERE WALKING ACROSS THE WATER...AND THE DUCKS BEGAN TO MAKE LOVE TO THEM...THE SKY BEGAN TO LAUGH .

WET DREAM...

I DREAMED I SLEPT IN A SEA SHELL...AND HAD A WET DREAM...BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE ONLY SALT WATER .

DANGLED CARROT...

I DREAMED THAT MY CARROT WAS DANGLED IN FRONT OF A BLACK HOLE...AND MULTIDIMENSIONAL RABBITS BEGAN TO APPEAR .

UNIQUE RABBITS...

I DREAMED THAT A RABBIT FLEW AWAY BY FLAPPING HIS EARS...SO I SHOT HIM DOWN...THINKING THAT UNIQUE RABBITS PROBABLY TASTED BETTER .

LED BISCUITS

I DREAMED LED BISCUITS FLEW OUT OF THE WATER...AND TURNED INTO BULLETS INSIDE THE STEM OF A ROSE .

BREAKFAST CEREAL...

I DREAMED THAT MY BREAKFAST CEREAL WAS "CAPTAIN SHIT"...BUT I ATE IT FOR THE FREE PRIZE .

MUTATED RATS...

I DREAMED THAT RATS MUTATED INTO FROGS WITH LONG TAILS...AND DIDN'T THE KIDS LOVE THEM .

THE UNIVERSE UP MY ASS...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE FLEW UP MY ASS...AND MY TEETH SPARKLED LIKE STARS .

LOVE GREW WINGS...

I DREAMED THAT LOVE GREW WINGS...AND FLEW AS FAR AWAY FROM HERE AS IT COULD POSSIBLY FLY .

THE CROW

I DREAMED THE CROW HAD LASERS FOR EYES...AND COULD TELL I WAS WEARING WOMAN'S UNDERWEAR .

MAGIC MUSHROOMS

I DREAMED MY ASSHOLE FLEW OFF TO A DISTANT PLANET...AND RAISED A CROP OF MAGIC MUSHROOMS .

DRAGON SHIT

I DREAMED THAT DRAGONS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...THE GOOD NEWS WAS...DRAGON SHIT BECAME THE NEW CURRENCY...AND EVERYONE GOT RICH .

SNAKE'S MOUTH...

I DREAMED I SHOVED A BOMB INSIDE A SNAKE'S MOUTH AND RAN AWAY...BUT IT WAS I THAT EXPLODED .

MY TURTLE

I DREAMED THAT MY TURTLE HAD A SOUP CAN FOR A SHELL .

PENIS JOINED THE NAVY...

I DREAMED MY PENIS JOINED THE NAVY...AND GOT BEATEN BY A PRIVATE .

N. F. L. D. INVASION .

I DREAMED THAT ALIENS INVADED NEWFOUNDLAND...AND THEY GOT SO DRUNK THAT THEY ALL PUKED THEMSELVES TO DEATH .

BAT WINGS

I DREAMED THAT MY WINDOW WAS COATED WITH BATS WINGS...AND THERE WERE BATS AT MY FEET...CRYING FOR THEIR WINGS BACK .

BAT SHIT

I DREAMED THAT BATS BEGAN TO SHIT BANANA MUFFINS...AND THEN EVERYONE BOUGHT A T-SHIRT WITH BATS ON IT .

BATS AND DOVES

I DREAMED THAT BATS TURNED INTO DOVES...SO WE ATE THEM .

LOBSTERS AND CRABS...

I DREAMED THAT LOBSTERS BEGAN TO MATE WITH CRABS...AND THIS WAS THE KEY TO OPENING UP THE DOORWAY TO ALL TRUTH...SO WE MURDERED ALL THE CRABS .

MAYOR...

I DREAMED THAT I WAS A MAYOR OF A CITY...AS IT TURNED OUT...THE CITY WAS BUILT ON A PANCAKE...SO MINING BECAME OUR MAIN INDUSTRY . 

DRAGON CAT

I DREAMED MY CAT TURNED INTO A DRAGON...SO I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT HIM A BETTER BRAND OF CAT FOOD .

MY CAT IN A BOTTLE...

I DREAMED THAT I CAME HOME AND MY CAT WAS IN MY GOLDFISH BOTTLE...HE WAS HIGH ON SOME SORT OF SHIT...HE SAID..." BEWARE OF THE SCARLET WHORE "...SO I MADE THAT A PRIORITY FOR THE REST OF THE DAY . 

A DISTANT UNIVERSE...

I DREAMED THAT ON A DISTANT UNIVERSE...INSTEAD OF EVOLVING FROM SEA CREATURES TO LAND CREATURES...FISH LEARNED HOW TO JUGGLE INSTEAD .

SUN PIES

I DREAMED THAT PIES WERE FALLING FROM THE SUN...BUT THEY WERE NOT COOKED WELL ENOUGH .

POTATO SALAD

I DREAMED THAT ALLIGATORS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...AND THEY ATE ALL OF OUR POTATO SALAD .

THE FIRST FISH ON LAND

I DREAMED I WAS THE FIRST FISH TO WALK ON LAND...AND WHEN I GOT THERE...I SPENT ALL OF MY TIME RUBBING MY PRIVATES IN THE SAND .

WOLLIE MAMMOTH

I DREAMED THAT THE WOOLIE MAMMOTH WAS NAKED...AND HIS EYES WERE RED...AND HE GIGGLED A LOT...BUT HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T SMOKE DOPE .

RIDING A WHALE

I DREAMED THAT I ROAD A WHALE INTO ETERNITY...BUT IT WAS CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS WHEN I GOT THERE .

THE SHITTER...

I DREAMED THERE WERE 18 MILLION PEOPLE , RUNNING FOR ONE SHITTER...AND THE SKY BECAME AS BLOOD RED .

TWO EQUAL PIECES

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE WAS DIVIDED UP INTO TWO EQUAL PIECES...AND THE PERSON WHO DIDN'T CUT IT GOT THE FIRST PICK .

A SWAN IN IRELAND...

I DREAMED THAT A SWAN FLEW TO IRELAND...AND DRANK A PINT WITH BONO IN THE LOCAL PUB .

THE POPE IN IRELAND...

I DREAMED THAT THE POPE MOVED TO IRELAND...AND OPENED UP A SMOKE SHOP .

LOCH NESS MONSTER

I DREAMED THAT THE LOCH NESS MONSTER...MOVED TO LAKE ONTARIO...BUT HE HAD TO SUE TO KEEP THE RIGHTS TO HIS NAME .

FAR AWAY GALAXY...

I DREAMED THAT I TRAVELED TO A FAR AWAY GALAXY...AND FOUND A LIGHT FOR OUR PLANET...I TRAVELED BILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS TO BRING IT BACK...ONLY TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THE PLUG .

GIANT RABBIT...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS EATEN BY A GIANT BUNNY RABBIT...AND FROM THAT TIME ON...THE CLOUDS LOOKED AS YELLOW AS CARROTS .

MY CRAB

I DREAMED THAT MY CRAB FELL TO HIS DEATH TO ESCAPE MY NASTY PLAN...I TRIED TO READ HIS LAST THOUGHTS...BUT COULD NOT .

CAT FISH

I DREAMED MY CATFISH TURNED INTO A DOGFISH...AND ALL THE OTHER FISH BEAT HIM TO DEATH .

MAKING LOVE IN THE FOREST

I DREAMED THAT A SASQUATCH AND A YETI...MADE LOVE...AND THE KID WAS JUST BEAUTIFUL .

MY JELLYFISH

I DREAMED THAT MY JELLYFISH GOT BOILED IN HOT WATER...AND A VOICE SAID...THAT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR LETTING PEOPLE SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU .

GIANT LIZARD

I DREAMED I HAD A HOMOSEXUAL EXPERIENCE...BUT MY PARTNER TURNED INTO A GIANT LIZARD AND ATTACKED ME .

skyline pigeon

i dreamed that my pigeon grew a two foot long penis...and then i sold him for a billion dollars .

THE SNAIL' EXPOSURE

I DREAMED THAT MY SNAIL CAME OUT OF HIS SHELL...AND WAS ARRESTED FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE .

MY FISH...

I DREAMED MY FISH WALKED INTO THE WATER...AND DROWNED .

THE GOLDFISH...

I DREAMED THAT MY GOLDFISH ATE MY CAT...AND THE BUDGIE JUST SAT THERE...AND LIT UP A SMOKE .

ALIEN INVASION...

I DREAMED ALIENS INVADED OUR PLANET...AND WE STOLE THEIR SHIT , RAPED THEM...AND BLAMED IT ON THE MARTIANS .

TALKING PENIS NAMED TOMMY

I DREAMED THAT A TALKING PENIS RAN FOR PRESIDENT...AND EVERY TIME THE OPPOSITION WOULD OPEN THEIR MOUTH...HE WOULD SHOVE HIMSELF RIGHT IN THERE .

END OF THE WORLD...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS COMING TO AN END...AND I GOT TO WRITE THE THEME SONG .

DEVIL HAD SEX CHANGE...

I DREAMED THAT THE DEVIL...HAD A SEX CHANGE...AND ALL THE DEMONS BEGAN TO SHUN HER .   

MY SHADOW...

I DREAMED MY SHADOW BECAME A PROSTITUTE .

GET WELL CARDS FOR SATAN...

I DREAMED THAT THE DEVIL GOT A COLD...BUT HE NEVER GOT ANY GET WELL CARDS BECAUSE THEY ALL BURNED UP AS SOON AS THEY GOT TO HELL .

MY SNAIL...

I DREAMED THAT MY PET SNAIL GOT INVOLVED IN A SEX CULT .

THE ANT

I DREAMED I WAS AN ANT...BUT GOT ADDICTED TO DRUGS...SO I BEGAN STARTING RUMORS ABOUT THE OTHER ANTS TO HIDE BEHIND .

MR. BEE

I DREAMED I WAS A BEE...BUT WAS TRAINED TO BE A NINJA BY THE HORNETS...SOMETHING ABOUT WORLD DOMINATION .

NO PEOPLE ON THE PLANET...

I DREAMED THAT POCKET PUSSY TOOK OVER THE UNIVERSE...AND 80 YEARS LATER...ONLY A FEW PEOPLE LEFT .

pocket pussy

i dreamed i won a tennis tournament...and the prize was...POCKET PUSSY .

ELVES...

I DREAMED THAT ELVES TOOK OVER THE WORLD...AND THEY BROUGHT PEACE AND JOY...WHICH , OF COURSE...SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF US...SO WE KILLED THEM .  

DECEITFUL CROCODILE

I DREAMED I SAW A CROCODILE WEARING A LEATHER COAT...BUT THEN HE LIED TO ME ABOUT HOW MUCH HE PAID FOR IT .

I DREAMED I WAS A TUNA ...

I DREAMED I WAS A TUNA...AND I WOKE UP IN A CAT FOOD COMMERCIAL .

A CAT STORY

I DREAMED I SAW A CAT WHO'S LEGS WERE TWO MILES LONG...AND HE WALKED ACROSS THE OCEAN .

THE END OF THE UNIVERSE

I DREAMED THAT GOD ACCIDENTALLY FLUSHED THE UNIVERSE DOWN THE TOILET...AND THEN HE SENT A PROPHET TO TELL US THAT WE ARE FUCKED , AS A COVER UP .

MY BUNNY

I DREAMED THAT I CAUGHT MY BUNNY GOOSING HERSELF WITH A CARROT...AND THE LETTUCE LAUGHED HIS HEAD OFF WHILE WATCHING .

POWER OF EVIL

I DREAMED THAT THE POWER OF EVIL WAS UPON US...AND THE MORE IT GREW...THE BETTER LIARS THEY BECAME...AND ONLY THE DUCKS HAD FIGURED IT OUT .

...SEXUAL FRUIT

I DREAMED I HAD SEX WITH A TOMATO...AND GOT IN TROUBLE WITH ITS BIG BROTHER .

RIVER OF BLOOD

I DREAMED THAT A RIVER OF BLOOD...TURNED INTO A RIVER OF NAKED OLD LADIES...SO I BLEW UP THE DAM .

WALKING ON YOUR BALLS...

I DREAMED MY NUTS WERE ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FEET...AND EVERYWHERE I WALKED...IT HURT LIKE FUCKING HELL .

SUZIE THE ALPACA...STRIKES AGAIN

I DREAMED THAT AN ALPACA NAMES SUZIE FELL INTO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE...AND CAME BACK SMELLING LIKE SHIT...SO MUCH SO...WE TRICKED HER INTO GOING BACK...THEN WE LOCKED THE FUCKING COSMIC GATE .

SPACE YETI

I DREAMED THAT A YETI WAS CAUGHT IN A MACHINE THAT TELEPORTS HIM FROM ONE DIMENSION TO ANOTHER...AND HE CUT HIS NUTS OFF .

THE WHORE RETURNS

I DREAMED I PLAYED THE WHORE OF BABYLON A GAME OF PING-PONG...AND SHE SERVED THE BALL BY FIRING IT OUT OF HER PRIVATE PARTS .

WHORE OF BABYLON

I DREAMED THAT THE WHORE OF BABYLON SHAVED HER ASS BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD .

DARK LORD

I DREAMED THAT OUR PLANET WAS CONQUERED BY THE DARK LORD OF THE GALAXY...AND THE PRESS MADE FUN OF HIS KID'S LIZARD FETISH SEXUAL ADDICTION .

SEA OF SAND...

I DREAMED I SWAM ACROSS A SEA OF SAND...AND THE CENTIPEDES CHEERED ME ON...AND THE SCORPIONS CURSED MY NAME . 

CAIN TOADS...

I DREAMED I WAS GOLFING CAIN TOADS...AND TIGER WOODS WAS NAILING THEM TO THE GROUND AS I WAS SWINGING .

GRANDMOTHER'S CORNER STORE

GRANDMOTHER'S CORNER STORE

I DREAMED MY GRANDMOTHER'S CORNER STORE WAS ON THE SUN...AND I WENT INSIDE AND BOUGHT A PACK OF MATCHES .

THE MOON

I DREAMED THAT THE MOON WAS A HOMOSEXUAL...( NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT ) .

SKINNY DIPPING ON THE SUN...

i dreamed i went skinny dipping on the sun...but the weird thing was...I HAD SHRINKAGE .

VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SHIT...

I DREAMED I SAILED AROUND THE WORLD ON A TURD...AND IT LED ME TO A CAVE MADE OUT OF SOLID GOLD .

GLOBAL WARMING...

I DREAMED THAT THE SUN FELL INTO THE OCEAN...AND THEY BLAMED IT ON GLOBAL WARMING .

MUD-FOOTBALL..

I DREAMED I WAS PLAYING MUD-FOOTBALL...AND THE MUD TURNED INTO POODLES .

THOSE FUCKING POODLES...

I DREAMED THAT GOD EXPLAINED TO US THE SECRETS OF CREATION...BUT THERE WERE THOUSANDS OF POODLES BARKING SO LOUD THAT NOBODY COULD HEAR .

STRANGELY RELIGIOUS CAT

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT ATE CARDINAL RICHELIEU'S HEAD AND BARFED ON THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET .  

GOD LOST A TENNIS MATCH...

I DREAMED THAT GOD LOST A TENNIS MATCH...THUS BEGAN A NEW ICE AGE .

DECOMPOSING...

I DREAMED THAT MY BODY WAS DECOMPOSING INTO THE GROUND...THEN SOMEONE STUCK A SIGN UP MY ASS THAT READ... NO DECOMPOSING HERE  .

HEALTH FOOD

I DREAMED I STUCK 20 QUARTS OF RUM INTO ONE WATERMELON...THEN SOLD IT AS HEALTH FOOD .

IF YOUR PENIS HAD WINGS...

I DREAMED MY PENIS HAD WINGS...BUT THEN I JUST REALIZED THAT I HAD STOLEN SOMEONES VAGINA .

RATS IN MY GARAGE...

I DREAMED THERE WERE RATS IN MY GARAGE...AND THEY CLEANED IT ALL UP...AND WASHED THE WINDOWS .

BRICK PIGEONS

I DREAMED THAT PIGEONS WERE MADE OF BRICKS...BUT IT WAS THE CHOCOLATE DONUTS THAT PREVENTED THEM FROM FLIGHT .

KETCHUP

I DREAMED THE KETCHUP TURNED INTO MUSTARD...THEN IT LAUGHED AT ME BECAUSE IT KNEW HOW FUCKING MUCH I DESPISE KETCHUP .

SHIT IN THE LAKE OF FIRE

I DREAMED THAT SOMEONE HAD A SHIT IN TH LAKE OF FIRE...AND , BOY...WASN'T SATAN PISSES-OFF . 

BABOON COUNTRY

I DREAMED MY CAT BECAME A BABOON...AND RAN AWAY TO BABOON COUNTRY .

BANJO-CROCK...

I DREAMED THAT MY CROCODILE PLAYED THE BANJO...BUT HE KINDA SUCKED , SO I MADE HIM SELL IT TO THE KID NEXT DOOR .

CAT-POPE...CONTINUES...

I DREAMED THAT ANOTHER CAT SAW THE CAT-POPE LICK HIS NUTS...SO HE HAD HIM "PUT TO SLEEP" .

THE CAT-POPE AND KITTENS

I DREAMED THAT THE CAT-POPE...MADE ALL THE OTHER CATS HAVE KITTENS...JUST SO THEY COULD GO TO WORK AND MAKE HIM MONEY .

BARKING CAT...

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT LEARNED HOW TO BARK...SO THE CAT-POPE HAD HIM EXCOMMUNICATED .

POLLUTION

I DREAMED THAT IT WAS LEGAL TO POLLUTE THE WORLD TO THE POINT WHERE INNOCENT PEOPLE DIED...THEN I AWOKE...AND REALIZED THAT THAT WAS JUST INSANE AND COULD NEVER HAPPEN ON A CIVILIZED PLANET .

LAKE OF HELL...

I DREAMED THAT I WAS SKINNY DIPPING IN THE LAKE OF HELL...AND THE LIFE GUARD WAS DRUNK .

PLASTIC DOLL...

I DREAMED THAT A DARKNESS FELL OVER THE LAND...THEN EVERYONE TURNED INTO A PLASTIC DOLL...AND MELTED .

HORSE WITH NO NAME .

I DREAMED I MET A HORSE WITH NO NAME...HE SAID HIS NAME WAS BILLY .

THE RADIO

I DREAMED THAT I BOUGHT A RADIO...BUT WHEN I  OPENED THE BACK...I WAS TO FIND THAT IT TOOK 2,354 BATTERIES .

THE DOVE...

I DREAMED THAT IT RAINED FOR 40 DAYS AND NIGHTS...THEN I SENT OUT A DOVE TO SEE WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON...AND HE CAME BACK WITH A BUCKET OF CHICKEN .

TRAINING SHARKS...

  

I DREAMED  I TRAINED  SHARKS TO BE POLICEMEN...BUT IT WAS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT TO TRAIN THE CRIMINALS TO DO ALL THEIR BAD SHIT UNDER WATER .

THE BEACH...

I DREAMED THAT THE SAND ON THE BEACH WAS REPLACED WITH CEMENT...AND THE STAR FISH WERE MADE OUT OF BARB WIRE .

HUMAN INTELLIGENCE...

I DREAMED THAT ALIENS CAME AND ELIMINATED ALL HUMAN INTELLIGENCE...AND NOBODY KNEW THE DIFFERENCE .

GODZILLA'S WIG

I DREAMED GODZILLA BOUGHT A BLONDE WIG...AND CRIED WHEN RODAN SAID THAT IT LOOKED LIKE SHIT .

40 OUNCES...

I DREAMED I DRANK A "40 OUNCE-ER" UP MY ASS...AND THREW IT UP OUT MY FACE .

MAGIC CARPET...

I DREAMED THAT MY MAGIC CARPET...HAD BED BUGS .

EATING...

I DREAMED THAT EVERY TIME I ATE SOMETHING...I NEEDED TO EAT THREE MORE .

LOVE COMES KNOCKING

I DREAMED THAT LOVE CAME KNOCKING ON THE DOOR OF HUMANITY...AND IT FUCKED UP ITS HAND PRETTY BADLY .

I DREAMED I WAS A BIRD...BUT I FLAPPED MY LEGS INSTEAD OF MY WINGS...I FELL INTO THE ABYSS .

SABRE TOOTH RACCOON...

I DREAMED I WAS A SABRE TOOTH RACCOON , BACK IN THE STONE AGES...BUT MY TEETH SOMEHOW FELL OUT...SO I HAD TO GIVE THE OTHER RACCOONS ALL MY DRUGS .

ELIJAH...

I DREAMED THAT THE PROPHET ELIJAH...GOT CAUGHT STEALING FROM A RETARDED KID...THEY PLAYED 18 HOLES OF GOLF TO SETTLE THE SCORE .

FALSE PROPHET JELLYFISH

I DREAMED THAT I WAS JESUS THE JELLYFISH...AND I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE TELLING PEOPLE THAT THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS LIKE THE BEACH...JUST BECAUSE IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO GET PEOPLE TO BELIEVE BULLSHIT .

SLUGS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...

I DREAMED THAT SLUGS TOOK OVER THE WORLD...AND THEY ALL WORE THIS STUPID T-SHIRT THAT SAID..." YES I CAN " .

FLYING CRABS...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS INVADED BY FLYING CRABS . SO WE HAD TO HIRE A PSYCHIATRIST TO CONVINCE THEM THAT CRABS CANNOT FLY .

ELVIS THE COCKROACH

I DREAMED I SAW A COCKROACH WHO TOLD ME HIS NAME WAS ELIVS PRESLEY...I KNEW IT WAS TRUE BECAUSE ALL THE GIRL COCKROACHES WERE GETTING REALLY WET .

BEAUTIFUL WORLD

I DREAMED THAT EVERY PERSON IN THIS WORLD TURNED INTO A LLAMA...AND IN  A FEW SHORT YEARS...THE WORLD BECAME BEAUTIFUL AGAIN .

BEEF FARMER...

I DREAMED I WAS A BEEF FARMER...BUT ALL MY COWS HAD BOUGHT GUNS AND MADE ME DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS .

PLANET EARTH...

I DREAMED THAT PLANET EARTH GREW WINGS...AND FLEW DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN .

ASS HOLES

I DREAMED THAT THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT WASN'T FULL OF SHIT...WERE ASS HOLES .

BOAT AT SEA...

I DREAMED MY BOAT WAS AT SEA...AND SOMEONE PUT A HOLE IN THE BOTTOM TO MAKE WAY FOR A SWIMMING POOL .

END OF THE WORLD...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD CAME TO AN END...AT WHICH POINT , I REALIZED IT WAS NEVER THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE .

TEETH FALLING OUT...

I DREAMED THAT MY TEETH FELL OUT OF MY ASS...AND I HAD NOTHING LEFT TO SAY .

LAZY ANTS...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE ANTS BECAME LAZY DRUNKS...AND ATE THEIR QUEEN JUST FOR THE FUCK OF IT .

COFFEE WITH BEE...

I DREAMED I HAD COFFEE WITH A BUMBLE BEE...WE JUST LAUGHED AND BUZZED THE WHOLE AFTERNOON .

KIND ALIENS...

 

 

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS INVADED BY KIND HEARTED ALIENS...THEY TOOK ALL OUR WORMS...SAID..."THANK YOU FOR THE WORMS"...THEN BUGGERED OFF BACK INTO OUTER-SPACE.

   

godzilla vs rodan...

i dreamed that "godzilla" was caught having sex with "rodan"...so he felt compelled to destroy the world...to keep his dignity .

GIANT TURD FROM OUTER-SPACE...

I DREAMED THAT A 2000 FOOT TURD CAME FROM OUTER-SPACE AND DECLARED WAR ON EARTH...AFTER MUST DISTRESS...I SINGLE- HANDEDLY DEFEATED THE TURD...ONLY TO BE SHUNNED FOR SMELLING BADLY .

WALKING BY THE WOOD PILE

I DREAMED I WAS WALKING BY THE WOOD PILE...ON A SNOWY EVENING...AND WAS BITTEN BY A LARGE UNIDENTIFIABLE RODENT...WHO I PROCEEDED TO HACK TO BITS WITH AN AXE...AIN'T NATURE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL . 

THE BED BUG...

I DREAMED THAT A BED BUG HOPPED ON MY BED AND FIDDLED ME A TUNE GOODNIGHT...( AND I THOUGHT HE WAS MY FRIEND ) .

RAT IN MY KITCHEN...

I DREAMED THERE WAS A RAT IN MY KITCHEN . AND HE MADE ME BREAKFAST IN BED .

DUCKS...

I DREAMED I WAS A FARMER...AND WAS EATEN BY SOME DUCKS...BUT THEY ALL SAID GRACE BEFORE THEY ATE ME .

FLUSHING PLANET EARTH...

I DREAMED THAT GOD PUT PLANET EARTH INTO A TOILET...THEN FLUSHED IT INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION...AND EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS A CIRCUS RIDE .

LIZARD WITH NO SCALES...

I DREAMED MY LIZARD HAD NO SCALES . SO HE TOOK UP DROPPING ACID .

ETERNITY...

I DREAMED THAT ETERNITY...WAS SWALLOWED BY A MINOR LEAGUE HOCKEY REFEREE...WHO THREE DAYS LATER WOULD CRAP IT OUT .  

MY PONY

I DREAMED THAT MY PONY WON THE LOTTERY...AND BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC .

ROCK LANGUAGE

I DREAMED I WAS A ROCK IN OUTER-SPACE...AND EVENTUALLY I DISCOVERED ALL THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE...BUT I HAD NO WAY TO COMMUNICATE THEM TO OTHERS...SO EVERYTHING CONTINUED TO GO TO SHIT .

THE LETTER...

I DREAMED I DROPPED A LETTER INTO A BLACK HOLE . BUT I FORGOT THE STAMP .

led puppy

I dreamed that my dog grew wings ; but his feet became as led .

my cat's struggle...

I dreamed that my cat was swallowed by a per-historic bird ; but dug his way out of the monsters ass hole and entered a new dimension .

CUP OF COFFEE

I DREAMED THAT I TRADED IN MY OCEAN...FOR A CUP OF COFFEE .

FIRST CHURCH OF RATS WITH NO TAILS

I dreamed that my rat had no tail . So he opened a religion called : " The first church of rats with long tails " . He was the president , and killed anyone who had no tail .

THE DOVE OF PEACE

I DREAMED THAT THE DOVE OF PEACE...WAS ATTACKED BY BAT OF DESPAIR...I DRANK A RUM AND COKE AS THE BATTLE RAGED ON .

SHIT MONSTER...

I DREAMED I BECAME BEST FRIENDS WITH THE SHIT MONSTER ; BUT ONE DAY WE WENT SWIMMING IN A LAKE AND HE DISAPPEARED .

THE BEAVER AND HIS SMALL BUSINESS

I DREAMED I WAS A BEAVER , AND I CHOPPED DOWN ALL THE TREES AND MADE THEN INTO HOCKEY STICKS . THEN ALL THE OTHER BEAVERS GOT JEALOUS BECAUSE I GOT RICH , AND ALL THEY HAD WAS A BUNCH OF FUCKED UP GNAWED OFF BRANCHES .

...I dreamed I was a milkshake...

I dreamed that I was a milk shake ; and I traveled around the world trying to find just the right person to suck me .

tri lingual dog...

i dreamed that my dog told me that he wanted to learn french...i told him that he had to finish his spanish lessons first .

possum rage...

I dreamed that all the possums turned against and killed all the o ' possums . It was terrible , dr. goose .

cat with three tails...

I dreamed that my cat had three tails . I thought it was weird until I watched him have sex .

strange penguin...

I dreamed that a penguin ate the Rocky Mountains ; then shat them into the Hudson Bay .

carrot

I dreamed that I was a carrot . I tried to have sex with another carrot , but it didn't work out . So I spread rumors all around the garden that the other carrot was queer .

vampire...

I DREAMED I KICKED A VAMPIRE IN THE TEETH . HE BEGAN TO CRY AND HE SAID THAT HE ONLY WANTED TO LOVE ME...NOT BITE ME AT ALL .

fly into the night...

I dreamed that I flew into the night . But the night was the open mouth of a hawk .

penis learned to play violin

I dreamed that my penis learned how to play the violin . But no girl was interested .

the ocean and my watch...

I dreamed that I fell into my watch ; and the ocean become nothing more than a boiling pot of lobsters .

walking on the sun

I dreamed that I walked on the sun ; but forgot my sun screen .

good intentions...

I dreamed that our planet was being invaded by good intentions . We blew the shit right out of them .

neil young...

I dreamed that Neil Young took me for a drive to the beach . On our way there he ran over a squirrel , so he wrote a song about it .

future raccoon...

I dreamed that I road a raccoon  into the future . And when we got there , we had both lost our masks .

my pillow

I dreamed my pillow was made out of snakes . Magic , soft snakes .

penis...

i dreamed that my penis...drank a glass of water .

drunken beaver...

i dreamed that the road became the forest...and the forest was eternally seduced by a drunken beaver . .

the new honesty

I DREAMED THIS GIANT RAT CAME TO ME AND SAID : " STU , THE NEW HONESTY IS NOT GETTING CAUGHT LYING "...I TOLD HIM TO SUCK MY VAGINA .

whore of babylon...

I dreamed that the WHORE OF BABYLON...turned out to be a virgin .

flying into the sun

I dreamed I flew into the sun . And it was snowing .

truth...

I dreamed that everyone in the world shut the fuck up . And then the truth was finally heard .

cat tree...

I dreamed that there were three cats in a tree . Then I realized that the tree was also a cat .

naked in grocery store...

I dreamed that a friend on mine had his picture drawn naked inside a grocery store window . But to compensate , the store gave 10 % off cabbage .

if cocks had wings...

i dreamed that every penis in the world grew wings...and they collectively flew away to another universe . And in 70 years , there was world peace .

pool in hell...

I dreamed that I went to Hell and played pool with Satan . He cheated !!!

eating rocks...

i dreamed that i would eat rocks...and shit out pebbles...so the same people who tortured e.t...came and took me away .

heaven...

I dreamed that I flew to Heaven . And there were all these beautiful fires . And people with pitch forks .

brick wings...

I dreamed that I had wings ; but they were made of bricks .

my trip to the moon...

I dreamed that me and my lover went to the moon . I covered her body with green cheese and then proceeded to lick it off .

the lonely penis

I dreamed there was a penis , that was not used as a weapon against a segment of the human race . He died of loneliness .

banjo snake

I dreamed that I was a snake . And I made my living playing the banjo .

SPERM

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE SPERM IN THE WORLD...COMMITTED SUICIDE WHEN IT HIT THE VAGINA...AND , CONSEQUENTLY...THERE WAS WORLD PEACE IN EIGHTY YEARS .

the pony

I dreamed that I was a pony that traveled around the galaxy . Nobody applauded me , however , because they said my cock was too small .

camels...

I DREAMED THAT ALL THE CAMELS TOOK OVER THE PLANET...AND THEY TOLD US TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER .

WE DID NOT STAND FOR THAT KIND OF SHIT .

T.B.C.

EVERYTHING AND NOTHING

I DREAMED THAT I SAW EVERYTHING AND NOTHING BOTH AT THE SAME TIME...I LIT UP A SMOKE AND BLEW IT IN FRONT OF MY FACE .

I dreamed I was a frog ; and I squished myself . All the other frogs laughed .

vagina in the olympics...

I dreamed I was a vagina in the olympics . And I opened a bottle of coke in record time .

i blew a bubble...

I dreamed I blew a bubble . Then I pleaded with the bubble to blow me back .

end of universe...

I dreamed that the universe came to an end . And we discovered that it wasn't really there .

magic turd...

I dreamed I flew a turd into the sun . And the smell protected me from the heat .

billy penis...

I dreamed than someone named Billy Penis , went out on a date with some chick named Cathy Virgina .

violin shark...

I dreamed I was a shark and I tried to learn the violin . It got so frustrating that I ate five fishermen .

i dreamed i was calm...

I DREAMED I WAS A CLAM...AND A SEAGULL TOOK ME A MILE UP INTO THE SKY...TOLD ME HE WAS GAY...THEN DROPPED ME TO THE ROCKS BELOW .

cat videos

I dreamed that people were torturing me ; commanding me to make cat videos .

clam church

I dreamed I went to clam church on the bottom of the ocean . All I remember is hymn # 147 , " Let's bash those fucking lobsters " .

non-swimming fish

I dreamed that I was a fish that couldn't swim . So I just sat on the bottom of the ocean and toked dope all day long .

my ice cream dream...

fuck you ??? what do you mean...fuck me...fuck you , ass hole...watch who you are calling ass hole...ass hole...fuck you...yea , go fuck yourself...yea , fuck yourself...fuck you...right...fuck you...FUCK IT ALL...LET'S GO OUT FOR ICE CREAM .

end of world...

I dreamed that the world cam to an end . And nobody noticed .

magic hot dog

I dreamed that I licked the shit out of a hot dog . Of course , that would make it a magic hotdog .

crab shell...

I dreamed that I was a crab with no shell . So I spent all my free time preaching to other crabs how evil it was to have a shell .

quest for cheese...

I dreamed I was a tuna sandwich ; and I spent the rest of eternity looking for some cheese to stick on my body . In fact , I ruined my life in quest for cheese .

world being controlled by pineapples...

I dreamed that it turned out that the earth was secretly being controlled by pineapples . They were just using us humans to suck the juice out of them . It was a sexual thing .

skinny dipping in the lake of fire...

I dreamed I went skinny dipping in the Lake of Fire . And I got in shit because it was against the rules .

end of the world

i dreamed that the world came to an end . And when I got to Heaven , it turned out that it happened because God forgot to set His alarm clock .

death and shit...

I dreamed that I died and went to Heaven . At the Perle Gates I saw St. Peter . I asked him if I could come in , and all he said was : "Dave's not here , man " .

sperm in the world...

I dreamed that all the sperm in the world was hung around the neck of a giant pig . He died and went to Hell and made billions of demonic creatures .

tuna...

I dreamed that everyne in the world was a can of tuna . But when you opened most of the cans up...there was only shit inside .

planet earth...

I dreamed that we invented this high powered telescope...and discovered that planet earth was simply a wart on god's ass .

monster that ate winnipeg

I dreamed that I became a monster that ate Winnipeg . And all the girls wanted to screw me .

inbreeds and pig fucking and shakespeare

I dreamed that I was attacked by some inbreeds in a swamp . They made me squeal like a pig while I recited Shakespeare . 

jellyfish hard-on...

I dreamed that I was a jelly fish...and I spent my entire life trying to get a hard-on .

the universe...

I DREAMED THAT THE UNIVERSE FELL OUT OF THE SKY...AND INTO A BOTTLE OF RUM .

the pope and the cat...

I dreamed that the Pope sacrificed a cat to Baal . And the cat god blew up the world as a response .

the pillow...

I dreamed my pillow turned into granite and grew a mouth and teeth . Then it went on a crusade around the world , convincing people that it was the softest pillow ever .

talking butterfly

I dreamed that my shit turned into a talking butterfly that had the key to wisdom and truth . It was promptly eaten by a cat .

angel of death...

I dreamed that the angel of death started smoking cigarettes and died of cancer . From that point on , nobody could die until they found a replacement .

the monster...

I dreamed that there was a hole in my boat...and I  prayed God would fill it somehow . Then a monster reached his arm through the hole and strangled me .

i dreamed that the lake was drank by the ocean...

I DREAMED THAT THE LAKE WAS SWALLOWED BY THE OCEAN...AND WAS SPAT INTO THE SUN.

eating the worlds secrets

I dreamed that my goldfish began to talk to me about all the secrets of the universe . It made me feel kinda inferior...so i ate him .

FIRE DANCER

I DREAMED I WAS DANCING ON FIRE...AND I SPRAINED MY ANKLE .

the aliens...

I dreamed the aliens came down and replaced all the rodents with one super rodent...called rodent plus . And didn't the kids love them .

I dreamed that Jesus came back to earth . He rounded up all the squirrels...then went back to heaven . 

I dreamed that every humanoid was hollowed out...

I dreamed that every humanoid was hollowed out of their soul and sent away to a distant planet...the planets name...earth !!!

weird shit and such...

I dreamed that the turd of discontent...threw up into the ass hole of confusion and sexual ambiguity... and licked its own nuts in the lake of bastardized reality . 

trout of contention...

I dreamed that the trout of contention , swam up the lake of  misery , into the ass hole of despair...and ordered a cheese burger , an onion rings and a strawberry milkshake .

ball of shit...

I dreamed that the world became a ball of shit...hurdling toward the sun . Then I realized that I was not dreaming .

mother nature's sex change...

I dreamed that Mother Nature had a sex change . And there was much rejoicing amongst Robin Hood and his band of surgeons .  

THANK GOD THIS COULD NEVER HAPPEN...

I DREAMED THAT 100 , 000  PEOPLE SIGNED A PARTITION TO HAVE A TROUBLED CHILD THROWN OUT OF THEIR COUNTRY...MOST OF WHICH CLAIMED TO LOVE GOD...I AWOKE ,  LAUGHING..."THANK GOD OUR SOCIETY IS TOO CARING TO TRY A FUCKING STUNT LIKE THAT"... I SAID TO MYSELF . 

cattle grazing

I dreamed that cattle were grazing upon the water . And they all died of thirst .

walking on water

I dreamed that Jesus came to me walking on water : He said ; " the truth of the matter is that there are only two kinds of people in the world ; those who walk on water and those who walk on people " .

end of world...

I dreamed that the world crashed into a giant chocolate bar . And within a year , everyone died of diabetes .

world burning...

I DREAMED THAT THE WORLD WAS BURNING AWAY...AND ALL THAT WAS LEFT WAS THE LOVE WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER...I REACHED OUT...GRABBED IT...PUT IT IN MY POCKET...AND WENT OUT FOR A BEER .

shit

I dreamed that THEY pulled sunshine out of my ass . Then THEY dipped it in shit and ate it .

moses the jellyfish...

I dreamed that a jellyfish named Moses attempted to lead all the other jellyfish through the wilderness . But they all evaporated under the sun .

angels and dope

I dreamed I saw a angel , smoking a joint . He said the dope was Heavenly .

dingo shark

I dreamed that a shark ate a dingo that ate a baby . But nobody believed a shark could do it , so some innocent third party went to jail .

sleeping with a snake...

I dreamed that a snake was sleeping beside me . I thought it was because it loved me , but as it turned out , it was measuring me to eat me .

ball of shit...

I dreamed that the world was a ball of shit . And all the great minds sat around debating weather or not the ball was round enough to be called a ball .

para-nah and the valley

I dreamed that there was a valley filled with doubt . And the goldfish were teaching the para-nah to smile and be polite at the rivers edge .

rats...

I dreamed that rats took over the world . And within two years , every fucking mess we made was cleaned up .

...rats and shit...

I dreamed that all the rats in the city ate all the trout in the country . The country peasants watched this ; then had to pay an  entertainment tax . And didn't the rats love it !!!

the universe...

I dreamed that the universe flew up my ass . And then I threw up galaxies .

when i became a rabbit

I dreamed that I was told I could never eat carrots again . I laughed then slowly got out of bed . I then looked into the mirror and noticed I had changed into a bunny .

whore of babylon

I dreamed that the whore of Babylon lost her banjo in a swamp . And the current took it in three directions at the same time .

dreaming of creatures

I dreamed that all the sand was taken off all the beaches . And what remained was just hideous little creatures mocking me .

turd sailing

I dreamed that I sailed across the tub on a turd . And the authorities banished all who were not impressed . Oh , yes , I had a nuclear bomb with me as well .

those fucking spanials...

Last night I dreamed that all the Springer Spaniels declared  war on all the Cocker Spaniels . Then Charles Darwin appeared and said : " see , they are becoming more like humans every day " .

the clam...

I dreamed that I was swallowed by a clam ; so I made passionate love to the slimy parts .

those fucking vegetables

Last night I dreamed that I was supposed to train a bunch of vegetables for the Olympics . But they just stood there and did nothing .

croquet with my nuts

I dreamed that these monsters were on horses...playing croquet with my nuts . I was on the sidelines , not knowing who to hope for .

black hole

I dreamed that I was sucked into a black hole . But I couldn't afford the rent .

shit

I dreamed that the world turned into shit .  And all the politicians spent millions of dollars pretending that it was supposed to be shit . And then a wolf howled at the horizon .

revelstion revisited

I dreamed that the water turned as red as blood . And pancakes flew into the mouths of the roman governors , who played softball on the city streets , yelling : " beware of the scarlet whore " .  

bastard children

I dreamed that the clouds were replaced by spoons . And they fell from the sky like bastard children .

are you fucking crazy ???

I dreamed that Jesus showed up at the local Church . But they wouldn't let Him preach because He was not a card carrying member .

the dragon...

I dreamed that a dragon came out of the ocean .  And his hair was purple .