ELVES...

I DREAMED THAT ELVES TOOK OVER THE WORLD...AND THEY BROUGHT PEACE AND JOY...WHICH , OF COURSE...SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF US...SO WE KILLED THEM .  

DECEITFUL CROCODILE

I DREAMED I SAW A CROCODILE WEARING A LEATHER COAT...BUT THEN HE LIED TO ME ABOUT HOW MUCH HE PAID FOR IT .

I DREAMED I WAS A TUNA ...

I DREAMED I WAS A TUNA...AND I WOKE UP IN A CAT FOOD COMMERCIAL .

A CAT STORY

I DREAMED I SAW A CAT WHO'S LEGS WERE TWO MILES LONG...AND HE WALKED ACROSS THE OCEAN .

THE END OF THE UNIVERSE

I DREAMED THAT GOD ACCIDENTALLY FLUSHED THE UNIVERSE DOWN THE TOILET...AND THEN HE SENT A PROPHET TO TELL US THAT WE ARE FUCKED , AS A COVER UP .

MY BUNNY

I DREAMED THAT I CAUGHT MY BUNNY GOOSING HERSELF WITH A CARROT...AND THE LETTUCE LAUGHED HIS HEAD OFF WHILE WATCHING .

POWER OF EVIL

I DREAMED THAT THE POWER OF EVIL WAS UPON US...AND THE MORE IT GREW...THE BETTER LIARS THEY BECAME...AND ONLY THE DUCKS HAD FIGURED IT OUT .

...SEXUAL FRUIT

I DREAMED I HAD SEX WITH A TOMATO...AND GOT IN TROUBLE WITH ITS BIG BROTHER .

RIVER OF BLOOD

I DREAMED THAT A RIVER OF BLOOD...TURNED INTO A RIVER OF NAKED OLD LADIES...SO I BLEW UP THE DAM .

WALKING ON YOUR BALLS...

I DREAMED MY NUTS WERE ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FEET...AND EVERYWHERE I WALKED...IT HURT LIKE FUCKING HELL .

SUZIE THE ALPACA...STRIKES AGAIN

I DREAMED THAT AN ALPACA NAMES SUZIE FELL INTO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE...AND CAME BACK SMELLING LIKE SHIT...SO MUCH SO...WE TRICKED HER INTO GOING BACK...THEN WE LOCKED THE FUCKING COSMIC GATE .

SPACE YETI

I DREAMED THAT A YETI WAS CAUGHT IN A MACHINE THAT TELEPORTS HIM FROM ONE DIMENSION TO ANOTHER...AND HE CUT HIS NUTS OFF .

THE WHORE RETURNS

I DREAMED I PLAYED THE WHORE OF BABYLON A GAME OF PING-PONG...AND SHE SERVED THE BALL BY FIRING IT OUT OF HER PRIVATE PARTS .

WHORE OF BABYLON

I DREAMED THAT THE WHORE OF BABYLON SHAVED HER ASS BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD .

DARK LORD

I DREAMED THAT OUR PLANET WAS CONQUERED BY THE DARK LORD OF THE GALAXY...AND THE PRESS MADE FUN OF HIS KID'S LIZARD FETISH SEXUAL ADDICTION .

SEA OF SAND...

I DREAMED I SWAM ACROSS A SEA OF SAND...AND THE CENTIPEDES CHEERED ME ON...AND THE SCORPIONS CURSED MY NAME . 

CAIN TOADS...

I DREAMED I WAS GOLFING CAIN TOADS...AND TIGER WOODS WAS NAILING THEM TO THE GROUND AS I WAS SWINGING .

GRANDMOTHER'S CORNER STORE

GRANDMOTHER'S CORNER STORE

I DREAMED MY GRANDMOTHER'S CORNER STORE WAS ON THE SUN...AND I WENT INSIDE AND BOUGHT A PACK OF MATCHES .

THE MOON

I DREAMED THAT THE MOON WAS A HOMOSEXUAL...( NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT ) .

SKINNY DIPPING ON THE SUN...

i dreamed i went skinny dipping on the sun...but the weird thing was...I HAD SHRINKAGE .

VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SHIT...

I DREAMED I SAILED AROUND THE WORLD ON A TURD...AND IT LED ME TO A CAVE MADE OUT OF SOLID GOLD .

GLOBAL WARMING...

I DREAMED THAT THE SUN FELL INTO THE OCEAN...AND THEY BLAMED IT ON GLOBAL WARMING .

MUD-FOOTBALL..

I DREAMED I WAS PLAYING MUD-FOOTBALL...AND THE MUD TURNED INTO POODLES .

THOSE FUCKING POODLES...

I DREAMED THAT GOD EXPLAINED TO US THE SECRETS OF CREATION...BUT THERE WERE THOUSANDS OF POODLES BARKING SO LOUD THAT NOBODY COULD HEAR .

STRANGELY RELIGIOUS CAT

I DREAMED THAT MY CAT ATE CARDINAL RICHELIEU'S HEAD AND BARFED ON THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET .  

GOD LOST A TENNIS MATCH...

I DREAMED THAT GOD LOST A TENNIS MATCH...THUS BEGAN A NEW ICE AGE .

DECOMPOSING...

I DREAMED THAT MY BODY WAS DECOMPOSING INTO THE GROUND...THEN SOMEONE STUCK A SIGN UP MY ASS THAT READ... NO DECOMPOSING HERE  .

HEALTH FOOD

I DREAMED I STUCK 20 QUARTS OF RUM INTO ONE WATERMELON...THEN SOLD IT AS HEALTH FOOD .

IF YOUR PENIS HAD WINGS...

I DREAMED MY PENIS HAD WINGS...BUT THEN I JUST REALIZED THAT I HAD STOLEN SOMEONES VAGINA .